Last night I went to a board meeting for my kids soon to be new school. It was very interesting and answered a lot of questions I had. I'm excited to see how they do with the Montessori teaching method.
As the meeting went on someone asked the board members why they were in the position they were, basically what qualifications they had. It was interesting to listen to many of them list degrees and past jobs etc. There were also two new board members voted in, one of whom I know from high school. The one I know is currently working on his PHD and already has a MBA and a Masters in something else.
He is my age. Literally graduated the same year I did.
As I look around at the people that surround me in life I start to realize I have about zero qualifications to make it in the "real world". Sure, I have an associates degree.... but it's in "Floral Design Management". If that isn't a "fluff degree" I don't know what is. I have worked as an office assistant ie "gopher girl", as a florist, and as an order filler for a local music company. If someone was looking for a leader in any way I would probably be the last on their list by the look of my resume.
Maybe if I had worked on college when Jer and I were newly wed... maybe if I had let Jer be the stay-at-home dad instead of me staying home. I know he would have been awesome. I'm starting to think that many of my choices when I was younger were just plain dumb... and not only that, I think they took away opportunities for both Jer and I in this life.
I would so love to go back to school. I really would. It would be so nice to get a BA and have that sense of accomplishment. Or to learn something really cool in a field that I really enjoy. To be an example to my children of what I want them to be able to be... basically whatever they want to be and not settling for anything.
Now, I'm not saying that I settled on being a stay a home mom. I'm very grateful that I can do that. I wouldn't want anyone but Jer or myself raising our children! It's just that sometimes I wonder if we wouldn't all have been happier if I hadn't just done what my religious culture had told me to. If I had only realized that happiness sometimes requires much more than having children.
I love my children dearly. I also love my dreams and want to see the possibility that some day they might come true. Right now I don't see a way, and that really sucks. How do people DO school, work, and family and actually keep food on the table?
I keep looking around myself and wondering "I must be missing something" and "Am I failing at this?"
4 comments:
I think our society does a great disservice to women and honestly to everyone else if they feel like mothering is 'missing out' or 'not fulfilling your potential.'
As a SAHM, I am an accountant, personal shopper, short-order cook, chef, childcare professional, laundress and stain-removal expert, housekeeper, chauffeur, tutor, mentor, psychologist, EMT, and who knows what all else. If motherhood is not giving me 'practical' 'useful' 'real life' skills I don't know what else possibly could.
I think that when it comes down to it, self sufficiency and preparedness is not about what degrees you have, but about what you can do. In a post-disaster or wartime environment nobody cares if you can program a computer or sell a product, but they DO care if you can take the same old beans and rice and make a meal of them. They DO care if you can fix owies of all sizes. They DO care if you can get a crying child to sleep.
Don't ever feel like motherhood is being left out. I have one of those BA degrees, and frankly it doesn't do me much good on a day to day basis. I don't regret it (I wasn't married at the time, so I wasn't giving up any family time), but if life had gone differently I wouldn't feel bad about not having a specific degree either. You and I have real life skills and experience, which is worth so much more than some letters on a paper.
I often feel like "there is a time and a season". Right now is the time to take care of my kids, and I'm glad that I can be there for them. I don't feel that my learning has stopped with getting my BA; I've learned so much as I've been a mom and wife! And maybe when my kids are all in school full time I'll go back and get my MBA, or something, and that will be the time and season for further "book" learning.
I know moms who do online courses, just sometime during the day or after the kids go to bed. I think it would be worth checking into it, if you're feeling like you'd like to further your academic side.
I know what you're saying. I feel like I've lost a lot of my brain power by not exercising it as much as I used to when I was in school. I feel like Nat does - sometime, I'll be able to go back and get my masters and doctorate. I'd love to be a professor. But for now, I have little teeny ones that need my help. We're not dead yet, Apes! There's lots of time after the kidlets are in school to pick up where we left off.
Just because you have a degree doesn't mean you are a leader. There're lots of people with degrees who don't amount to much and who don't use their talents for good works. I think it's better to be compassionate, smart (the "real" kind, not necessarily the book-learning kind), funny, outgoing, moral, and a well-rounded person -- as you are. You are raising our future. Motherhood is tough and mentally and physically draining. To coin a phrase, "it's the toughest job you'll ever love." Too bad our society whistles in the dark (by dissing the most important job in the world) to make themselves feel better about not being a great parent themselves.
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