The title may seem a little abrasive, but I think it says it all.
I love my family. Both my parents, my siblings, my grandparents, my husband, and my children. The do, in fact, effect what I do and who I become. But they are not ME.
I think that many mom's need to be reminded of this. Heck I think many teenage girls need to be told this on a regular basis so that they know that they can be AWESOME with being who they are, not due to anything anyone else does.
When asked to introduce yourself and to tell the group something about you do you only say your name and how many children you have? Or maybe your husbands name? Sometimes who your parents are if the people you are talking to are older than you?
Do you realize that you aren't really saying much about YOU? You are saying who you are related to. Which is safe. I'll admit that. It's usually safe to say you are a mom. That your kid plays soccer, or your husband works at a local business. Or in certain groups (aka college or professional groups) what your job is -- or was.
Have you ever considered stepping outside of the box? Making yourself stand out, not because of who you are related to, but because of what you like to do, or what you want to do?
I think the next time I end up introducing myself to a group of people I'm not going to say how many kids I have. I'm going to say:
"Hi! I'm April, I love to talk. I love to hear peoples views on things. I'm a bit of a nerd. I like to play computer games (aka WoW) I love to do Jigsaw puzzles. Someday I want to go back to school in Mechanical Engineering, I think I would be good at that."
or maybe:
"Hi! I'm April, I love to read. I want to learn how to do just about everything. I would love to learn how to do Stain Glass Windows and how to weld. I'm good at visual things and I used to be a Florist."
Basically, I'm going to challenge myself to be ME. Not my position, not my title (mom). ME!
8 comments:
Alright, that sounds good. I Love You, Sweetie.
My problem is so opposite. I always say the opposite of all the good stuff. For example, I'll say, "Hi I'm May. I lounge around and don't do much of anything anymore now that I retired early. So maybe I'm too lazy and I like watching wife swap most days and Oprah is my hero." Crazy huh??
The truth is I was raised in the projects, graduated a double mjor from UCLA and I retired from being an OPS manager from a major airline because I got the big "C" but I think the more I say about my family, that reaffirms to me that they are my pride and joy more so than any accomplishments I ever did in my life. That is really who I am. The woman who made the family Heavenly Father wanted me to make.
May
I understand that, honestly I love what I do, being a stay at home mom is the place I want to be, it is where my priorities are. I personally need to remind myself to take a break once in a while and remember that I have hobbies and interested outside of being a mom. Otherwise when my kids become independent I will become totally lost, not knowing who I am.
I think it's great if you find great joy in being a mom, that isn't what I'm saying at all. I'm say that we need to remember that we have our own accomplishments too. Even if that accomplishment is actually getting everyone where they need to be, and making sure that our kids feel they are loved.
If I say "I'm proud to be a mom and think I'm pretty good at it." It's so much more insightful than "My oldest is 6yrs old and loves swimming." :)
Hi, I'm Becky! I'm addicted to LOST, enchiladas, and card-making. I'm a dang good cook, I've got great hair, and I love my kids and husband.
Boo-yah.
(Hey, you're right. Way better than, I've got two kids and a spouse!!)
I totally agree to not lose ourselves in our "job" as mother. Though, really, that's what I AM, but I also have interests and hobbies, and other things that I DO, which also make up what I AM.
I agree with you at losing yourself a little. Isn't it funny that you spend a lot of time looking for your Mr. Right only to give it up a little when you have kids. Then when the kids grow up, you do lose more of your identity and I had another Wow moment with two getting ready to fly without me.
I totally get that lost feeling and I think for me, I have found more of myself in different ways. Before all my kids leave, I BETTER find another piece of me. I have to or I'll be stir crazy = )
Isn't it great that no matter what walks of life we all come from, the church ties us to an AMAZING sisterhood where we can learn from each other? I have learned much of our "sisters" by reading their blogs. I thank you for your positive view on life and of course your encouraging words. I am touched by the tender mercies of caring people, especially the sisters.
May
When I would come home from college during summers and holidays, people would always say, "So how is your love life? Are you dating anyone?" I always sheepishly answered, "No." What I really wanted to say was, "I love to dance. I love to ski. I love to read. I am passionate about literature, especially Shakespeare. I'm gregarious." There was so much more to me than whether or not I was single. This post reminded me of that. And yeah, being a mom is 99% of what we do, but I like your revision: "I'm April, and I'm a mom, and I'm pretty good at it." And then you can add about WoW and reading and listening to peoples' views.
Social Worker (read psychotherapist) here. Women are more likely to define themselves by their relationships to others. Men are more likely to define themselves by their actions and what they do. It's a cultural gender thing which starts from the time we're born, socializing us into cultural gender roles. When told a baby is a boy, it gets handed a train. If told it's a girl, it gets handed a doll.
Many mom's have an identity crisis when they become empty nesters. We get so busy serving others and placing their needs before our own, we sometimes forget our personal gifts, talents, and dreams. Thanks for the reminder.
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