Okay, so a little background.
Those of you that have been following my blog for a while know that I've been exploring what I feel I believe with regards to religion and other things.
Some would call what I have been doing lately "rebellious","careless", or just downright "confusing"... depending on where you are coming from personally. I call it "trying to find out if I am what I am because someone told me to be, or because I truly believe it."
Yes, I've been drinking Tea *gasp* and wearing tank tops when I work in the yard *oh the horror*... and then there is that purple in my hair.... :)
Because of all of my "exploring" I'm finding myself looking at things in a whole new light. A different light. One that doesn't see Tea as a grievous sin, but as a healthy drink that has less caffiene than most colas (we are talking Green Tea here... you know, the stuff that is full of anti-oxidants and helps to suppress appetite so that you can loose weight. Call it justifying or whatever you want, but with my Insulin Resistance I really shouldn't be drinking sugar choked Hot Chocolate every morning, and I like something warm to help wake me up). I also no longer see showing my shoulder as something that may cause other people ie men, to think "unclean thoughts" about me.
So night before last I went to a Parent Orientation for the Charter School that I have my kids enrolled in next year. It was very informative and makes me excited for the Fall and (hopefully) all the good this school will do for my kids.
One part of the meeting was on what the kids should wear. They have decided that the kids will wear solid color polo shirts (any color) and dark blue, black, or khaki colored pants. The pants can be jeans (Horrah!), but they need to be dark colored jeans. As they were discussing this they were talking about sleeve length on the shirts...
"Is it okay to have long sleeves in the winter?" asked on parent.
"Yes, that is fine. Short or Long sleeves... as long as it's a solid colored polo shirt and isn't sleeveless. We want to make sure the clothes are modest."
Now, I know most Mormons in this area would think nothing of this exchange... and I understand that. They have been taught since they were young that sleeveless is "immodest". But to someone who is a non member or disenfranchised with the Church this screams LDS.... and I will tell you why.... where else outside of church do you hear the word "modesty" or "modest"? I'd be willing to bet not many places.
"They gave us a modest estimate on the house"... mostly in reference to things that are not done to an extreme.
Hate to say it... tank tops are not extreme... I could see the argument that halter tops or tube tops are. Really I can... heck! One wrong move and the girls can come out the play! Yikes! But when you see a nice womens business suit and the top is sleeveless does it really make you immediately think the outfit is skanky? In the past it would make me immediately think "Op, can't wear that!" and then I would go on... but never that the outfit didn't look nice.
So, to some, by indicating that sleeveless shirts are immodest... it appears to be a religious issue, not a "modesty" issue. And by default it seems to say "People that wear sleeveless shirts are immodest" and can be offensive. And it can imply not so good things about the speaker... one of the synonyms of "modest" is, after all, "prudish"...
Now, just to be clear, I wasn't offended by the exchange, though I have to admit that I did cringe a little for the thought that many people that are vehemently opposed the the LDS viewpoint might have an adverse reaction.
Sometimes wording can say a whole lot more than you intend it to say...
7 comments:
You knew I had to comment of this. I agree with you that labeling tank tops at a school meeting as "immodest" is a giant red-flagged indicator of what that speaker's background is, and is also an extremely unfair judgment, whether intended or not.
But, choosing to live in Idaho Falls means that I have to accept this majority view of the area and just choose to show the love and acceptance that Christ would have me show (which isn't really so hard, I love people!)
Do I think tank tops are immodest? Of course not, I'm the biggest offender when it comes to wearing tank tops. Are LDS members pretty much the only ones that I know that use the word "modest"? You betcha (all you have to do is take a look at local billboards, all of the LDS advertisements have found their niche in the "modest" market).
Am I offended? Nah, there's no reason to be. There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and I feel that I can wear tank tops and still look classy.
Was it cheesy and assuming to say that in a school meeting that isn't specifically an LDS school? It really was.
You're right about the wording saying more than someone might intend. If you're going to be a in a position where you're talking to a somewhat diverse crowd of parents, you just have to set your religion aside and choose what you say very very carefully.
You know, I've never thought that tank tops are immodest or make people look skanky. I can see them saying, "No bare midriff polo shirts" or something. I think showing your bare midriff can sometimes be skanky. Or if they had said, "No thongs sticking out of the top of your khakis," I can see that, too. I wonder if Ben has told that principal that we're not coming in the fall... He's such a chicken.
Lol, "no thongs sticking out of the top of your khakis". That's hilarious!
I spent my teenage years in Texas. Modesty was and still is a topic in the south among baptists, evangelical christians, and others. Definitions of modesty differ.
We lived in a "dry" county = no alcohol sales. We had "blue laws" = what you can an cannot purchase on Sunday, as a result not many stores were open on Sunday.
In my experience, living in a predominately Mormon community there is more flexability than living in a predominately southern christian community.
As for sleeveless in schools, they are just drawing a line to avoid having to regulate the differing styles and cuts of sleeveless, from tank, to thin straps, to halters, to tube tops, to muscle shirts, etc. Putting a sleeve on it is easier to define.
Modesty is in the eye of the beholder and is not unique to Mormons, or to this area. So, stress less.:)
Oh, one more thing. Having had kids of all ages and in different schools in different states, not all parents care what their kids wear to school.
I've seen tube tops, bare middrifts, halters, plunging necklines, sheer tops, and boys with barely any shirt at all for the rips in the fabric, etc. I really have seen thongs sticking out over the tops of jeans or tiny shorts. Not to mention the boys with their pants hanging down so low that why bother to wear pants.
It's this kind of stuff that the school means when they talk about modesty. Not the cute little sleeveless tops or tanks. But again, it's easier to just put a sleeve on it than to define acceptable sleevelessness.
Just a thought: after moving to Idaho I noticed that the old Farming Community has an Idaho Cultural Mormonism that is pretty dogmatic. Some of the stuff practiced around here is not doctrinal, it's cultural.
About much of what is taught being cultural and not doctrinal, I understand that :) However I have lived here for a long time and sometime the way it is taught is as though it's doctrinal. Much of it can be very damaging and ostracizing. While I may be happier in an area that is less predominately "Mormon" I don't see it happening any time soon and unfortunately the strain of "Mormon" around here is very off putting for someone that is not very conservative. :P
I so agree. I can't believe some of what has been taught around here. It is so not Christ centered. And I agree with it being off putting, harsh, and leming like around here. Having the opportunity to live in different areas has made it easier for me to ignore the crap and pressure for extreme conformity found here and just do it my way. So, I've been blessed by a lifetime of diversity not found here. I love that you are not a blind follower, that you question, that you search, that you don't want to be in a box. Smart girl, you! :)
Post a Comment