Skipping Services

For a while now our family hasn't attended any church services. I think that most of this has to do with the fact that I no longer believe in the LDS Church (which is where we always used to go), though I have to be clear... I'm not opposed to going to the ward.

I was talking with a family member a while ago about this and mentioned that Jer and I had come to an agreement. I would come to the ward every other time we went to any service, and I would help him the the kids etc, if I was allowed to go to another congregation the rest of the time. I asked him if he would please come with me when I went, mostly so that I would be able to talk about the services without having to do a "play-by-play", he was amicable to that.

When I recapped a recent conversation between Jer and I with this family member, One were I made clear to Jer that if he was more adamant about wanting to go to the ward, which he hasn't been, then I would be more adamant about making sure I went to another congregation. He stated that honestly if I were more set on going to another congregation, he would then be more insistent on going to the ward. Both of us shared the opinion that if one view was exclusively shared with our children, we would want them to have a counterpoint.

In response to my conveying these ideas, the family member I was talking to stated "So, your discouraging him from attending the ward?"

Now, this family member is LDS and I have to admit, I understand where they would want to fault me for Jer's inactivity... I am, after all, the one that is doomed (according to their beliefs) but I find it somewhat interesting that they don't see it the other way as well... that Jer is "discouraging" me (and the kids) from going to another congregation as well. I figure that our family is more important than what may happen after this life... and if being tolerant of each others religious beliefs is necessary to help our family run smoothly, then that is fine with me. It really is a small price to pay when it comes to the people I love dearly, which my husband is no small part of.

What's amusing to me is the fact that I'm not really discouraging anyone to do anything religion-wise. I'm just no longer the one that makes sure everyone gets out of bed and dressed to the nines. Church is no longer important to me... if it's important enough to Jer then he will make sure that we all get up and out the door, or at least make a really good effort towards that. I'm not discouraging, I'm just no longer encouraging. I'm sitting firmly in the middle... though I have to admit, I don't know if the kids "church clothes" even fit them anymore, I kind of think not.

So for now we are considered "inactive" at church. We are not attending any church. Isn't "inactive" better than "not a member" to those that adhere to the LDS belief system? And on the flip side (from my point of view), isn't "inactive" better than only sharing one sects opinions on life with my children? I do, after all, want my children to always use their intellect when deciding what they think about things... and that includes God.

I don't want them to ever just "take someones word for it" when it comes to their belief system, I did that for far too long and I think if I had really thought about my beliefs sooner I probably would have been more likely to retain the belief system I was raised with, as it is, I'm don't... I want my children to believe things because it feels right to them, not because someone tells them it is right.

What is Modest?

Okay, so a little background.

Those of you that have been following my blog for a while know that I've been exploring what I feel I believe with regards to religion and other things.

Some would call what I have been doing lately "rebellious","careless", or just downright "confusing"... depending on where you are coming from personally. I call it "trying to find out if I am what I am because someone told me to be, or because I truly believe it."

Yes, I've been drinking Tea *gasp* and wearing tank tops when I work in the yard *oh the horror*... and then there is that purple in my hair.... :)

Because of all of my "exploring" I'm finding myself looking at things in a whole new light. A different light. One that doesn't see Tea as a grievous sin, but as a healthy drink that has less caffiene than most colas (we are talking Green Tea here... you know, the stuff that is full of anti-oxidants and helps to suppress appetite so that you can loose weight. Call it justifying or whatever you want, but with my Insulin Resistance I really shouldn't be drinking sugar choked Hot Chocolate every morning, and I like something warm to help wake me up). I also no longer see showing my shoulder as something that may cause other people ie men, to think "unclean thoughts" about me.

So night before last I went to a Parent Orientation for the Charter School that I have my kids enrolled in next year. It was very informative and makes me excited for the Fall and (hopefully) all the good this school will do for my kids.

One part of the meeting was on what the kids should wear. They have decided that the kids will wear solid color polo shirts (any color) and dark blue, black, or khaki colored pants. The pants can be jeans (Horrah!), but they need to be dark colored jeans. As they were discussing this they were talking about sleeve length on the shirts...

"Is it okay to have long sleeves in the winter?" asked on parent.

"Yes, that is fine. Short or Long sleeves... as long as it's a solid colored polo shirt and isn't sleeveless. We want to make sure the clothes are modest."

Now, I know most Mormons in this area would think nothing of this exchange... and I understand that. They have been taught since they were young that sleeveless is "immodest". But to someone who is a non member or disenfranchised with the Church this screams LDS.... and I will tell you why.... where else outside of church do you hear the word "modesty" or "modest"? I'd be willing to bet not many places.

"They gave us a modest estimate on the house"... mostly in reference to things that are not done to an extreme.

Hate to say it... tank tops are not extreme... I could see the argument that halter tops or tube tops are. Really I can... heck! One wrong move and the girls can come out the play! Yikes! But when you see a nice womens business suit and the top is sleeveless does it really make you immediately think the outfit is skanky? In the past it would make me immediately think "Op, can't wear that!" and then I would go on... but never that the outfit didn't look nice.

So, to some, by indicating that sleeveless shirts are immodest... it appears to be a religious issue, not a "modesty" issue. And by default it seems to say "People that wear sleeveless shirts are immodest" and can be offensive. And it can imply not so good things about the speaker... one of the synonyms of "modest" is, after all, "prudish"...

Now, just to be clear, I wasn't offended by the exchange, though I have to admit that I did cringe a little for the thought that many people that are vehemently opposed the the LDS viewpoint might have an adverse reaction.

Sometimes wording can say a whole lot more than you intend it to say...

Interesting...

I'm far from alone... Can't wait to find out if she has resolved things or not.

I'm amazed...

about how many people I know personally who are disaffected from the Church.

People who are good people. People who were (in most cases) just trying to do all they could ... were looking into things to find out how to be better within their faith...

People do not suddenly become "bad" or "sinful" because they find that they no longer believe... They really don't. They are still the same people that you loved before, they have just found that it no longer works for them. Be that because they just find they are no longer inclined to go to church, or because they find information that doesn't jive with the things they were always taught, or even because every time they go they end up angry.

The best way to make people "Anti" is to ostracize them and make them feel judged.

“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost” — Dalai Lama

A different take on a political leader...

And yes, it's a democrat...


I like the way it is written and the incite into character and his family. To be clear, I'm not a Democrat, but I don't see anything wrong with trying to see people more clearly for their positive attributes.

On No, Someone Told on Me...

  So recently I've been having a bit of a faith crisis, or whatever you want to call it. I've recently change my status on Facebook to "Cultural Mormon" because I have decided (at least temporarily) that I no longer believe a lot of what the LDS Church believes. I will continue to go at least every other Sunday to the LDS ward because Jer adheres to it and I respect that choice. Plus, I don't think it's a bad thing for my children to at least understand the culture. The other Sundays I will be attending whatever church I choose fits me... I haven't really found one yet, but who knows. Could happen, then again, maybe not.

  Now, just to be clear, I don't have any problem with other people believing as they will, I won't try to break down anyone's faith intentionally. I will not take offense to people talking about church in front of me etc etc etc... I think that would be, at very least, overly sensitive.

  Who knows, maybe some day I will decide to come back to the LDS faith, then again, maybe not... we will just have to wait and see really. Life goes on, things change, people change.

  Anyways, today the missionaries showed up on our doorstep :) They really are great kids, but we had friends over that were getting ready to leave and it was a inconvenient time for them to come and want to share a message. So they made an appointment to come again on Thursday. Did I mention that they are good kids? :)

  Anyhow, I found it somewhat amusing that they showed up within a couple of days of me changing my status on Facebook... where I have a few friends who are orthodox LDS to say the least. I know if someone DID tell on me that they had the best of intentions, so no hard feels... I still find it amusing though.

Tired of People "Soiling" Religion.

Over the last week I have noticed something that greatly irritates me. I think I have finally been able to put into words why it irritates me.

This "something" is people using religious quotes to uphold their political opinions.

You may be someone that has done this at some point, maybe being unaware of the effects it has. Being culturally LDS I understand that by far the majority of LDS people are, in effect, Republican. I don't really have a problem with that per se, my issue has something to do with people assuming that all other people of a similar belief structure must agree with them politically because they share a belief system.

When people use religious quotes in such a nastily soiled area as politics if usually comes off as being condescending, somewhat like saying "I know better than you", or "you must not have a testimony if you don't agree". While I could in turn share with them quotes from the same sources... ei Book of Mormon, Bible, and Conference Talks... I do not, because what point is there in getting into a religious debate over political issues?

Not only does it come across really badly for the person quoting but it also makes the religious quote or person being quoted look like they too may be condescending... which often isn't the case. In effect soiling the quote and sometimes the religion.

So please remember as you go about discussing politics that if you put a $100 (something valuable to you, religion for instance) in a pile of cow poop (politics) it is going to get dirty.

Why so Much Divisiveness... so Much Insistance on "You are Wrong!"?

As I've been starting to look into religion and belief systems of people I'm finding something that is rather prevalent. Everyone seems to think that their own way is the only way to get to heaven... that everyone else is sorely mistaken.

The thing I don't get is why we must all focus on the things that divide us so much... be they political or religious or any number of other things. Why can't we focus more on how we are all the same? Isn't this what Deity is trying to teach us?

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PS there isn't enough time in the day to learn everything!!!Gahhhhh!

The nature of God in relation to women.

Soooo... on a religious note...

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and have pondered a few things that have some effect on my view of religion. What that effect is, has yet to be known. A big part of that is the nature of God (what better place to start?) and the idea of the Devine Feminine.

First off, I do not feel that as a women I am any less or any more than any man in God's eyes simply because I am a woman. If I were it would be inherently unjust and if God is unjust he simply cannot be God etc etc etc. That being said, apples and oranges and all that jazz. I understand that men and women are different and hard to compare...  they are very unique. Though I don't think it's hard to tell when a person or an organization has a preference for one over the other.

I feel that if God is in fact male he needs to have a female counterpart to allow him to understand his female creations. How else would an exclusively male god empathize with childbirth or the emotional struggle that many women have when they cannot carry a child to term? I have to keep in mind that the term "God" is not a gendered term, it is a station that does not indicate gender. Much like "teacher" or "CEO". For this reason when I am asked to pray in public I refer to my god as simply "God" to acknowledge that many in attendance may view God as male, but also to not feel as though I'm being untrue to myself in referring to God in the exclusively male form.

As an LDS person I have been taught predominately to pray and think of God as a male ie "Heavenly Father" ... I don't think it could get much clearer! :) But it is considered part of the LDS faith that we have a female part to our "eternal family" if you will. I think that many downplay this within the Faith. In fact I was saddened by the limited acknowledgment of Her in the new Gospel Principles handbook, especially in regard to the lesson titled "Our Eternal Family". In reading it I felt as though the majority of the lesson was about a single father. Yes, I will acknowledge that it did say "heavenly parents" twice so she wasn't completely excluded. i'm thankful for that. At other times I have noticed that within the limited acknowledgment that is within the Church this divine feminine is not capitalized ei Heavenly Father and heavenly mother. I don't know if this is just a holdover from the past ie polygamy and the acceptance of many wives, or if it is an oversight. (I hope for the later, I admittedly have issues with the concept of Polygamy but that is a whole other post in itself )

Anyhow, I found an article recently that absolutely enthralled me. It is written from an LDS perspective and takes into account Hebrew translations of the bible etc... and it also comes at the idea from a scholarly angle, which I appreciate, but often goes above my head! So if you are interested here is a link to it.