Very good article

Great article about new changes to the Church Handbook of Instruction.

I wonder how long it will take for these things to "trickle down". And apparently I need to check and see if our Activities Committee is still in effect (since I'm on it).

Hmmm I just may have to make an appearance.

Apology for Prop 8

Elder Marlin Jensen apologized for Prop 8.

Interesting to say the least.

I'm sure it took a great deal of love and courage for him to say that... even if the apology was a personal one and not an institutional one. To seemingly step out of line with the opinion that the Church seems to be putting forward could cost him dearly, but I'm glad he did it. Even if all it accomplishes is showing people that holding your own opinion separate from the Church is not an indication that a person is "evil" in some way.

You may be surprised how many people are vilified, and their testimonies questioned (even if they are strong testimonies... I know a few liberal Mormons who are constantly having people question their faith) for being in disagreement on political issues.

Anyhow, thought some of the rest of you might be interested.

Skipping Services

For a while now our family hasn't attended any church services. I think that most of this has to do with the fact that I no longer believe in the LDS Church (which is where we always used to go), though I have to be clear... I'm not opposed to going to the ward.

I was talking with a family member a while ago about this and mentioned that Jer and I had come to an agreement. I would come to the ward every other time we went to any service, and I would help him the the kids etc, if I was allowed to go to another congregation the rest of the time. I asked him if he would please come with me when I went, mostly so that I would be able to talk about the services without having to do a "play-by-play", he was amicable to that.

When I recapped a recent conversation between Jer and I with this family member, One were I made clear to Jer that if he was more adamant about wanting to go to the ward, which he hasn't been, then I would be more adamant about making sure I went to another congregation. He stated that honestly if I were more set on going to another congregation, he would then be more insistent on going to the ward. Both of us shared the opinion that if one view was exclusively shared with our children, we would want them to have a counterpoint.

In response to my conveying these ideas, the family member I was talking to stated "So, your discouraging him from attending the ward?"

Now, this family member is LDS and I have to admit, I understand where they would want to fault me for Jer's inactivity... I am, after all, the one that is doomed (according to their beliefs) but I find it somewhat interesting that they don't see it the other way as well... that Jer is "discouraging" me (and the kids) from going to another congregation as well. I figure that our family is more important than what may happen after this life... and if being tolerant of each others religious beliefs is necessary to help our family run smoothly, then that is fine with me. It really is a small price to pay when it comes to the people I love dearly, which my husband is no small part of.

What's amusing to me is the fact that I'm not really discouraging anyone to do anything religion-wise. I'm just no longer the one that makes sure everyone gets out of bed and dressed to the nines. Church is no longer important to me... if it's important enough to Jer then he will make sure that we all get up and out the door, or at least make a really good effort towards that. I'm not discouraging, I'm just no longer encouraging. I'm sitting firmly in the middle... though I have to admit, I don't know if the kids "church clothes" even fit them anymore, I kind of think not.

So for now we are considered "inactive" at church. We are not attending any church. Isn't "inactive" better than "not a member" to those that adhere to the LDS belief system? And on the flip side (from my point of view), isn't "inactive" better than only sharing one sects opinions on life with my children? I do, after all, want my children to always use their intellect when deciding what they think about things... and that includes God.

I don't want them to ever just "take someones word for it" when it comes to their belief system, I did that for far too long and I think if I had really thought about my beliefs sooner I probably would have been more likely to retain the belief system I was raised with, as it is, I'm don't... I want my children to believe things because it feels right to them, not because someone tells them it is right.

On No, Someone Told on Me...

  So recently I've been having a bit of a faith crisis, or whatever you want to call it. I've recently change my status on Facebook to "Cultural Mormon" because I have decided (at least temporarily) that I no longer believe a lot of what the LDS Church believes. I will continue to go at least every other Sunday to the LDS ward because Jer adheres to it and I respect that choice. Plus, I don't think it's a bad thing for my children to at least understand the culture. The other Sundays I will be attending whatever church I choose fits me... I haven't really found one yet, but who knows. Could happen, then again, maybe not.

  Now, just to be clear, I don't have any problem with other people believing as they will, I won't try to break down anyone's faith intentionally. I will not take offense to people talking about church in front of me etc etc etc... I think that would be, at very least, overly sensitive.

  Who knows, maybe some day I will decide to come back to the LDS faith, then again, maybe not... we will just have to wait and see really. Life goes on, things change, people change.

  Anyways, today the missionaries showed up on our doorstep :) They really are great kids, but we had friends over that were getting ready to leave and it was a inconvenient time for them to come and want to share a message. So they made an appointment to come again on Thursday. Did I mention that they are good kids? :)

  Anyhow, I found it somewhat amusing that they showed up within a couple of days of me changing my status on Facebook... where I have a few friends who are orthodox LDS to say the least. I know if someone DID tell on me that they had the best of intentions, so no hard feels... I still find it amusing though.

The nature of God in relation to women.

Soooo... on a religious note...

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and have pondered a few things that have some effect on my view of religion. What that effect is, has yet to be known. A big part of that is the nature of God (what better place to start?) and the idea of the Devine Feminine.

First off, I do not feel that as a women I am any less or any more than any man in God's eyes simply because I am a woman. If I were it would be inherently unjust and if God is unjust he simply cannot be God etc etc etc. That being said, apples and oranges and all that jazz. I understand that men and women are different and hard to compare...  they are very unique. Though I don't think it's hard to tell when a person or an organization has a preference for one over the other.

I feel that if God is in fact male he needs to have a female counterpart to allow him to understand his female creations. How else would an exclusively male god empathize with childbirth or the emotional struggle that many women have when they cannot carry a child to term? I have to keep in mind that the term "God" is not a gendered term, it is a station that does not indicate gender. Much like "teacher" or "CEO". For this reason when I am asked to pray in public I refer to my god as simply "God" to acknowledge that many in attendance may view God as male, but also to not feel as though I'm being untrue to myself in referring to God in the exclusively male form.

As an LDS person I have been taught predominately to pray and think of God as a male ie "Heavenly Father" ... I don't think it could get much clearer! :) But it is considered part of the LDS faith that we have a female part to our "eternal family" if you will. I think that many downplay this within the Faith. In fact I was saddened by the limited acknowledgment of Her in the new Gospel Principles handbook, especially in regard to the lesson titled "Our Eternal Family". In reading it I felt as though the majority of the lesson was about a single father. Yes, I will acknowledge that it did say "heavenly parents" twice so she wasn't completely excluded. i'm thankful for that. At other times I have noticed that within the limited acknowledgment that is within the Church this divine feminine is not capitalized ei Heavenly Father and heavenly mother. I don't know if this is just a holdover from the past ie polygamy and the acceptance of many wives, or if it is an oversight. (I hope for the later, I admittedly have issues with the concept of Polygamy but that is a whole other post in itself )

Anyhow, I found an article recently that absolutely enthralled me. It is written from an LDS perspective and takes into account Hebrew translations of the bible etc... and it also comes at the idea from a scholarly angle, which I appreciate, but often goes above my head! So if you are interested here is a link to it.

Why do I stay?

---WARNING: VERY LONG POST---

I know when I was young my family didn't go to church.

I remember when we lived in Utah there were times my parents would throw parties with their friends at our house and we were supposed to stay in our rooms... preferably asleep. I had the feeling there was alcohol around. It wasn't a big deal. It's just what was.

When I was 8 I remember my parents asking if I wanted to be baptized. I said yes. I don't remember why. I do know that I was adamant about my dad being the one to do it. I remember being insistent, even when he tried to persuade me to let the bishop do it. I waited six months for my dad to be able to do it, and he did. Then life went on.

I always wondered why my friends couldn't play on Sunday. I remember my mom telling me that it was my choice if I wanted to play on Sunday or not.

I loved waking up to the smell of coffee. It smelled so good.

I remember going boating on the weekends. I can't remember what part of the weekend it was, it didn't matter. I was with family, and we were having fun and being the way a family should be.

I could always tell when one of the leaders at church told the other kids to "bring a friend" to church with them. That was the only time religion was ever brought up to me by the other kids. There were some kids that would only invite me to do anything during one of those times. I hated feeling like a service project.

When I was 13 I got tired of feeling like everyone else knew the bible stories when I didn't. I had a vague idea about Noah and the Ark, and Jonah and the Whale... but no knowledge about the specifics of those stories. I decided it was time that I knew them. So I started to read the bible. I never did get all the way through it. I think I got through Exodus and gave up. I've never gotten all the way through the bible.

I took a trip to visit an aunt for a couple of weeks. It was fun, it was nice to go to church and have no one really know that I was "inactive"... to just be seen as one of the girls. To be included. I remember the lesson was on the tools of the devil. I found it intriguing.

When I came home my parents had gotten and new car (a purple one!). They had also started to go back to church. They invited me to come along. I did.

When they got sealed in the temple I went with them.

I got my patriarchal blessing.

When my sister married her husband in the temple I got special permission to be there so that when my parents were sealed to her, I could be too.

I went to seminary.

I remember being frustrated when my two closest girlfriends were invited to be on the seminary council but I wasn't. I remember not understanding. How could people that played with others emotions so much be selected, but someone like me, who tried (but often failed) to do right by others was overlooked?

I graduated from seminary.

I went to Rick's college. It was close to home. I didn't want to be all that far from my parents, they were my very best friends throughout high school and sustained me when I was desperately hurting. I didn't want to risk being so far from home that I couldn't access such a safe place easily. It was a good thing. I needed them often. My mom stopped going to church. I didn't think all that much about it. I knew I was tired of the rules at Ricks and the fact that I had no guys interested in me. Ricks had more rules than my parents did for me when I was living at home. What was the point of having more rules if all the guys were interested in the girls that played with their emotions.

I got my associates degree. I decided to "take a break" from school. My mom probably knew I wouldn't go back any time soon. At the time I was considering going on a mission, I think because I really didn't know what else to do with myself. I wasn't married, I didn't have a boyfriend or anyone even interested that I could tell. As far as what the Church was telling me ... that left a mission.

I filled out my papers. I told my whole family I was going.

But I didn't. Instead, I met Jer and got married. (Luckily he was the right guy, I have never regretted marrying him!)

I too got married in the temple. About a year later I was pregnant with our first child.

It's interesting. Looking back at my life, I can't tell my reasons for becoming active in church, besides an attitude of "I might as well". I thought in high school I had a testimony. I don't think I did. I think I sometimes became emotional about church related things, but much of that might have been the fact that I was a teenager and full of hormones. I went to a Church college, I told myself it wasn't to find a husband, but I picked a "fluff" major that wouldn't get me far in the world. I didn't really know what I was truly interested in. The Church doesn't emphasize that for girls. I had lots of things I liked to do, but hadn't ever really thought I would have to support myself. It turns out I never really did have to support myself. I regret not getting a better education while I had the opportunity. This isn't the Churches fault, but they didn't help much here either.

I was content doing what the Church told me to for a while. I was irritated by small things, or what I thought were small things. I was frustrated that many of the women that surrounded me seemed like sheeple, seeming only doing things because that is what they were told to, while many of the guys seemed uncomfortable being my friend because of possible assumptions other people would make. I realized after a while I was frustrated with myself for being a sheeple. I started trying to be and do more that was ME. This is where I'm at.

In the end I don't know if I ever really made a conscious effort to "become active" in church. I was already baptized so there was no defining moment. I don't know if I did it because it was easy, because it was popular, or because it was right. Or all of the above. I don't know. I don't remember much of my thoughts at the time.

So now I'm left with these questions. Why am I here? Why do I stay? Do I stay because I was raised in the Church or do I stay because it would cause some problems with family (namely my in-laws, most of my family is inactive again.) or do I stay because of something else? Why do I stay when I perceive such inequality between the ways girls and boys are treated within the Church, why to I strive to go to Church and get frustrated with things like hearing that Adam was coerced into eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge (that wasn't by a teacher BTW, a class member. I addressed that assumption quickly). Why do I go when I worry it will teach Missy that she is only good to be a follower and a supporter. I want her to be the leader that I know her personality leans towards. I worry that the Church will harm my kids more than it will help them on so many levels. I worry that it will teach my boys that girls aren't as good as boys. What other assumption is a young boy to come to... "why can't girls pass the sacrament?" there is no answer... they are left to make one up for themselves. The most easily accessible is that of girls not being good enough. This breaks my heart.

There are some beautiful things that the Church teaches too. That there is a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother. That we can become like them. That Jesus suffered so that we could live. That the Godhead is three separate units in one. That we can all go back to live with them again.

Is it enough? Is it enough for this life? Is it only this life that the things I have issues with will be in? How can I make it through this life being a "faithful" member of a church that inadvertently teaches such inequality between the sexes? They say the two are equal, yet their actions seem to say differently. Isn't it "by their fruits ye shall know them"? I keep telling myself that my church is actually pretty advanced in this area as far as Christian churches go... it does, after all acknowledge the existence of a Heavenly Mother... which most don't. I go to Church hoping I'm not scarring my children, yet when I stay home I worry about the same thing.

In the end. I just don't know.

Excuse Me, Wait A Minute....

So last night Jer and I were playing W.O.W., as we often do in the evenings, when the doorbell rang. I didn't hear it (note to self, get a doorbell thing for downstairs!) but Jer did.

I opened the door to a man that I recognized from the ward. I didn't remember his name (and honestly still don't!) but he had a plate of cookies and no coat. So I invited him in... cause DANG it is cold outside now!

He came in and talking to Jer and I for a while and in the end asked if Jer would be a home teacher... to which Jer happily accepted. After talking for a while longer the man asked if we could say a prayer. Both Jer and I consented.

Then something was said that I have to admit, in the past I would not have given a second thought about. However that was not the case last night. Our visitor then stated "Jer, since you're the boss of the house, why don't you go ahead."

Boss.... hmmm

Then Jer started to say the prayer and I could barely pay attention to it, musing over if I should or should not speak up about the term "boss" and if so, how could I do it in a tactful way.

Jer and I work as a team. Neither one, nor the other, is any better or any more in charge than the other. I could have easily written off the statement if he had used "Priesthood leader, or Man of the house" because even though I see small injustices with those terms too, I understand that as part of the LDS culture and church that the Priesthood is recognized as only being held by the husband in the relationship of marriage.

As far as the term "Boss" goes though... I actually see myself as filling those shoes the most. I am, I will admit, the bossiest person in our house. I'm constantly telling the kids what to do (or not do) and notifying Jer of appointments or responsibilities or chores that the him and I need to be doing.

Granted, Jer brings in the funds to keep our family running, he helps with putting kids to bed and changing diapers when he is home, he often times cooks, etc etc etc... he does a ton of stuff! So considering all of this, I still don't think that our house has a "boss".

A Partnership, yes... but no soul proprietorship here. Thanks anyways, I like to be acknowledged for what I'm worth and how much I contribute to our house.

You might ask if I ever spoke up.... well, no. I didn't.

I ended up staying in my conundrum until well after our guest left our home. I didn't say anything about it. In fact I'm still in it. I didn't even mention to Jer how much that rubbed me wrong, I don't know if he noticed it or not...

It's a little thing I guess... or is it?

New Leadership

It's been a while since the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has received new leadership. After the passing of Gordon B Hinckley recently President Thomas S. Monson has succeeded him at his post. His two new councelors are Henry B Eyring and Deiter Friedrich Uchtdorf. I'm sure they will fullful their new positions with great determination and a large amount of humility due to stepping up after a first presidency that did such marvalous works.

Gordon B. Hinckley

Last night at about 7:30 one of histories truely great men passed on to meet his maker and help watch over us all. He was a great example of love and grand at inspiring others to strive to live life better. He will be sorely missed.

(picture from www.ldsmag.com)

Speach on the role of religion in politics.

Can I say that I'm truely thankful that Mitt Romney did not go into what "Mormons" believe in his speach? If people truely want to know, it is easy to find out. All they have to do is ask a leader of their local ward/branch... or better yet, Got to the wesite! That way they will know they got it right from the source and got it right rather than getting a warped view of our beliefs.

Here is a link to his speach, I thought he did well... then again. I am a big supporter of people who don't shy away from there positions just because the wind of opinion blows the other way.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,315486,00.html you can also watch the video of the speach there if you want.

Oh, and for those of you that don't know the official website for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It's http://www.lds.org/