"Motherload"

"Motherhood has ruined me for life.

I want to nurse the world
A continent to a breast.

I want to cut up waffles
For all the third world
Send the dictator to his room
Ground the drug dealers
Wash out the pornographers'
Mouths with soap
And spray organized crime
With Black Flag.

I want to make all the politicians
And all the executives sit on the couch
And memorize the golden rule
And stand up and say it in unison.

I want to grab a bullhorn
And announce to the world
That the barbecues will stop
Until all the litter - all the litter -
Has been picked up.

Oh, I could fix everything
If they would all just listen to me,
Listen to me,
Listen to me!

I have such illusions of grandeur:
I am a mother."

- by Carol Lynn Pearson

Mommy Rhapsody

Mommy Rhapsody from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

SOOOOOOO TRUE :)

"I love you MORE!"

When I was a child I remember always playfully arguing with my mom whenever she would tuck me in for the night.

She would come into my room in the evening when I was ready for bed, tuck the covers around me, kiss me and hug me, and with a wish of "sweet dreams" would leave the room. As she made sure the door was open wide (the way I liked it) on the way out she would say "I love you!"

"I love you more mom."

"You will never know how much I love you until you have children of your own! Sweet dreams kiddo..."

Then she would leave to go read or to finish last minute things before going to bed herself.

Sometimes we would tease each other about who loved the other more throughout the day:

"I love you mom!"

"I love you too April"

"I love you more!"

"I love YOU more."

"Nu-uh!"

Back and forth until in the end mom would say "Until you are a mother yourself, you will never know how much I love you!"

As the years past we had these kinds of playful conversations often. Through my teenage years, even up to when I was married.

Then I had a child of my own.

She was right (as she often is!). We no longer argue about who loves the other more... We both know who loves the other more. But since having my own children I know that my love for her has grown as well, due to knowing just how much she loves me.

As I go throughout my day, tidying up (lets face it, I don't like to clean), and making sure homework gets done, making sure the dishes are in the dishwasher, and being a mediator to my childrens arguments sometimes my daughter will say to me:

"I love you mom!"

"I love you too Missy."

"I love YOU moooore!"

To which I reply "You will never know how much I love you until you have children of your own!" And I hug her and squeeze her and watch as she goes to find her brothers to play with.

Life ISN'T Fair.

Tonight I was done being a mother. done.

Earlier today the power went out. Which means no "shows" for the kids and no computer for me. While I don't mind that so much I do hate not having a distraction while I make them lunch.

EB of course decided he wanted to be held while I made lunch. Which in and of itself isn't so bad, but the fact that I was making PB&J's due to the aforementioned power outage made this near impossible. So whilst I tried to quickly make lunch EB wailed loudly on the bar stool across the counter from me and intermittently would climb down and try to force me into picking him up by standing directly in front of me and hugging my legs. Which in turn slowed down the process of getting things done, inducing more earsplitting vengeance.

Of course once lunch was ready and I was able to sit him on my lap, all was good.

Then there was the usual back and forth of Missy disagreeing loudly with EB even if she has no clue what he is saying. And EB of course restates what he said, but in a louder voice etc etc etc.

This was my day.

Then Goober came home from school and we did homework. I even let him write his spelling words in shaving cream while Missy was downstairs watching Backyardigans (yes the power came back on after lunch).

EB woke up early from his nap.

After a cop out dinner (give me a break! it's THAT time of month and I'm plumb tucker out thankyouvery much) Goober and Missy wanted fruit snacks... to which I said no. They did have a small orange after there dinner. They shouldn't need any more sugar at the moment.

Oh, but heaven forbid that Missy mention she had a fruit snack after lunch today. Oh gads, the world must end! Goober starts boobing about how she got one, and how he should have one too. And how life isn't FAIR. "It's not fair mom!" ... time passes ... "It's not fair!"... and it's STILL not fair.

Enough. I've had enough. Jer warns him that if he mentions it again he is going to bed. I tell him and Missy to start cleaning up the toys. To which he tells me no. GAH!

So I haul him upstairs, change him (not so gently) into his PJ's, toss him into bed, and tell him to have fun with that.

I know some day he will understand. Some day many years from now, when he is grown with children of his own. And when that day comes I'm sure I will miss the days when he was this young. But honestly, right now... I wish I could make him understand that telling a mom that life isn't fair is about as ironic as it gets.

While I believe that in the long run I wouldn't be happier doing anything else but raising my children, lately all I want to do is be me. Selfish me. I want to be able to cook dinner without someone whining at me. I want to be able to buy new clothes for me and not feel guilty that one of my kids might need new socks, or for me to pay for preschool, or some other random thing. I want to be able to go exercise daily without having to pay for daycare or feeling like I'm putting someone out by asking them to watch my kids, or sacrificing time with Jer. I want to be able to sleep in till noon and not worry about if Missy's hair has gotten combed.

No, Life isn't fair.

I know that probably all I need is a vacation. The thing is, Christmas is coming... and family birthdays... and of course all the regular things. No funds for an escape right now. So until I do have some time, and some money I guess I will have to suffice with the fact that things will change.

They always do.

That the kids will grow, that their needs will change, they will learn. Maybe someday soon I will be able to get a nap without having them wake me up every five minutes. And what will seem like such a short amount of time they will be grown and gone. I know that looking back at the six years I have been a mother it really does seem like a short amount of time so I'm sure the rest will fly by too. So, until I have some time to call my own again I will make do. And tomorrow will be another day.

So, just like Goober, I think life might not seem fair.

But maybe in the long run things will even out.

Grrrr... I'm Flummoxed

So when I gave Goober's friend Bee the nickname of "Bee" for this blog I had no idea how prophetic that would be.

Bee is an only child. Not that I fault her for that, just that it leaves her prone to not liking younger siblings of friends much, and it also leaves her more prone to thinking the whole world revolves around her.

Man that girl can give some stings.

Recently Goober has started to come home upset more and more often. Bee has been saying mean things to him. Now, I understand kids do this sometimes, and sometimes I don't get the whole story (like what Goober may have done to induce such behavior), but saying things like "I hate you" and "I don't want to play with you, and neither does Ken" (Ken is another friend).

The other day Goober and Bee decided to go to Bee's house from our house. Goober wanted to ride his bike. Jer was the one home at the moment, so he okayed it and Goober proceeded to get on his coat etc... by the time he got outside Bee was sitting on his bike. Goober told her HE wanted to ride his bike and she just looked at him. Jer then stepped in and told Bee that she did not ask and told her to get off of Goobers bike. Weeeeelllll, this made Bee mad. So she then yelled at Goober "I don't want to play with you anymore!!!!" and ran home (because she was mad a Jer). Goober was then upset because his "friend" didn't want to play with him anymore.

She tends to lie as well, saying things such as: "Ken can't play, he has a black eye", and when Ken, Goober, Missy My, and Bee are playing together they decided to go to Bee's house and she proceeds to lie and say that only one friend is allowed over. Then Ken promptly goes and Goober is upset cause they don't want to play with him.

I, as a mother, have NO CLUE how to deal with this. As far as I'm concerned Bee can go jump off a cliff for the way she sometimes treats my kids (which is becoming more often). I've been trying to comfort Goober when things like this happen, saying that good friends don't do things like that, and that we will find some good new friends in our new house.

But I'm not sure if I should bring this up with her mother or not. I know that eventually this kind of behavior is going to bite Bee back, and HARD. Maybe her mom can help her avoid that? Her mom is pretty down to earth and I don't think she would be offended if I pointed these things out to her..... but I don't know if I should step in or not....

Grrrr..... motherhood!!

Why I'm So Warped or "I Hurt When You Hurt"

Overall my childhood was a pretty good one. I grew up in a good family with parents who loved me and did what they could for me. I might even say I was spoiled in many ways... Yes, my dear sisters, I admit it! I think most of it came from the fact that my parents were better off by the time I came around and was growing up than they were when my sisters were young. Anyways, to my point. I had a good childhood, but I had my challenges too. Just like every other kid, I guess.

When I was in early elementary I had issues with keeping up with my class, thank goodness I had a wonderful teacher who spotted it and was willing to help me as much as she could. She communicated well with my parents to help them understand what was going on and therefore, when we moved to another school right before my 5Th grade year my mom and dad knew what needed to be done and got the new school to work with me as well. By the time I entered junior high I was caught up and actually ahead in some subjects. Yay for good teachers!

That of course was not the sum total of my hardships. Some of those stay with me to this day, in the back of my mind making me question myself and others, but that is for another day.

You see, when I moved into our new home in the fifth grade I didn't have any friends (like most kids when they move to a new neighborhood and a new school). I of course did my best to make friends quickly so that I wouldn't feel so alone (which by the way is the worst feeling in the whole world in my book). The first kids I met were on the street I lived on. There was only one boy in my grade that lived on our street and you know how elementary school kids feel about the other gender. BLECH! So I made friends with kids younger than me. Two girls in particular. They were pretty fun to play with even if they were two years younger than me... I mean, beggars can't be choosers, eh? At least we had fun.

For a while.

Then one of them decided she didn't like me so much anymore, and when we had been playing happily for a while and the other girl came around she would tell me that she wanted to play with "Anna" alone. (yes I changed her name for those that may know her) Basically she dismissed me. I wasn't wanted around anymore so go home.

I didn't have any other friends yet.

Oh did that hurt.

I can't tell you how badly. There just aren't words to convey how cutting it is to feel unwanted.

My mom did her best to comfort me. She told me I didn't need them anyways. The thing was though... I did. I needed friends. After a while of trying to "just deal with it" and getting hurt over and over again I finally decided that what mom said was true. I didn't need them.

Granted this time in my life passed, I made new friends when school started and went on my merry way (so to speak).

I look back at that time and remember my mom telling me "I hurt when you hurt!" or "this hurts me too" ... as a kid I never really got that. I never really understood until recently.

Actually I never fully understood till this week.

Because this week, my son was excluded. Oh man, does that hurt. But you know what? When I told him "If they don't want to play with you, they aren't your friends. Can you find another friend to play with?"

Guess what?

HE DID.

Uh. Oooooh.

Seriously, I'm concerned this kid is going to be a brat if his mother doesn't get a GRIP. He is so spoiled! I mean... sheesh, every time he cries she picks him up! You would think with 2 other kids in the house she wouldn't have the energy. But nope, she just makes sure her left arm is UBER strong (cause, lets face it... he's getting heavy!).

But I have to admit... he does say "Uh Oh" way cute.

Body Image and Motherhood.

All my life I always felt like I was never cute enough, skinny enough, in shape enough, ... I never had the "right" body type. Somehow I was never "good" enough ... physically that is. Mentally I was usually pretty good. But every time a guy I liked would end up dating one of my good friends I would look at myself and think ... "well... DUH! She's cute!"

I know that sounds bad. Very degrading. Really. And that is what it was.

Degrading.

Thing is, I didn't come up with that on my own. Media shoved it down my throat since the time I was old enough to remember.

I think the only time I really felt good in my body was when I was in college. I finally decided the world could take a flying leap if they didn't think I was cute... or they didn't think I looked good. Cause gosh DARN IT!!!! I thought I was cute. And frankly, that was all that mattered.

So what that the boys at Ricks didn't pursue me. They were immature and always seamed to chase the floozy girls anyways ... you know, the girls that toyed with them, or the girls that were easy to get to make out with.

Now I'm NOT implying that ALL of the girls that dated at Ricks were that way... I'm not even implying that most of the girls were that way. It just seamed to me at the time that that was all the boys were interested in. And I decided I didn't want a guy like that anyways.

Soon afterwords I met Jer. :D

I remember coming home the night I met him and telling my mom "I'm NOT introducing him to my girlfriends till he has made his decision on ME! If he decides he isn't interested in me... so be it, then he can date my friends!"

Well, as you know... the rest is history. Turns out he liked me a LOT. Enough to marry me a couple of months later. It was fast, but so meant to be. And I felt attractive and downright sexy.

Fast Forward

Now I'm the mother of 3 beautiful children and expecting our fourth. And can I say... my body is NOTHING like what it used to be. While looking at this site today it really struck home. (be warned this site contains nudity though, in my opinion, it is not pornographic)

While pregnant and with child I think "I'll start exercising once I'm done with this pregnancy and I'll get back in shape" ... then the baby hits, and the only exercising that is conducive with a young baby is taking walks with the stroller... then add the other kids and it's a bit overwhelming. I want to be a good example for my kids... but I like things like weightlifting and bike riding, and those are hard to do with a young child (or young children) and no money. Besides the fact that even if I DO get back in shape... my body will never be what it once was. that's right. never.

I will always have my stretch marks even if they fade to silver. My boobs will never be quite so perky again. My legs will always have those spots where I can see the veins. And my hands are starting to have places where the veins poke up.

But you know? I've decided that society is warped. Some of these "marks of motherhood" are downright beautiful. Stretchmarks look like flames. And those poky upy veins on my hands? they remind me of my own mothers hands that cared for me so well as a child. Those veins I remember playing with, and pushing down on when I sat for long lengths of time next to mom and she would put her hand on my knee. Those veins? They mean comfort. They mean love.

These are things that I gave gotten by thinking of more than myself and what my body looks like. These I got by choosing to be a mother. I got them because I have these wonderful blessings called children. Why should these things be looked at with disgust and shame? They show sacrifice. They show thinking beyond ones self.

They are badges of honor.

ummmm Question....

Anyone know about how much a 7 month old should be drinking? Paranoid Mom attacks again! L is light for his age and not being formula fed kinda has me in a delema... so if anyone formula fed or pumped and knows the answer I would be much abliged :)

Mother Sacrifices Her Life For Her Son

It's not often that the media focuses on a story of love (that doesn't involve some kind affair or other horrid crime), well here is a wonderful example of the love a mother has for a child. Wow, I would like to think that if the same happened to me, I would have the courage to do exactly what she did.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/womenfamily.html?in_article_id=510308&in_page_id=1799

"A mother made the ultimate sacrfice by refusing cancer treatment to give birth to a healthy baby boy.
Lorraine Allard was told four months into the pregnancy the devastating news that she was in the advanced stages of cancer.
A further blow came when doctors advised her to terminate the foetus, which was 23 weeks old, and start chemotherapy straight away.
Instead, she insisted on waiting long enough to give her unborn son a chance to survive, telling her husband, Martyn: 'If I am going to die, my baby is going to live.' "