What is Modest?

Okay, so a little background.

Those of you that have been following my blog for a while know that I've been exploring what I feel I believe with regards to religion and other things.

Some would call what I have been doing lately "rebellious","careless", or just downright "confusing"... depending on where you are coming from personally. I call it "trying to find out if I am what I am because someone told me to be, or because I truly believe it."

Yes, I've been drinking Tea *gasp* and wearing tank tops when I work in the yard *oh the horror*... and then there is that purple in my hair.... :)

Because of all of my "exploring" I'm finding myself looking at things in a whole new light. A different light. One that doesn't see Tea as a grievous sin, but as a healthy drink that has less caffiene than most colas (we are talking Green Tea here... you know, the stuff that is full of anti-oxidants and helps to suppress appetite so that you can loose weight. Call it justifying or whatever you want, but with my Insulin Resistance I really shouldn't be drinking sugar choked Hot Chocolate every morning, and I like something warm to help wake me up). I also no longer see showing my shoulder as something that may cause other people ie men, to think "unclean thoughts" about me.

So night before last I went to a Parent Orientation for the Charter School that I have my kids enrolled in next year. It was very informative and makes me excited for the Fall and (hopefully) all the good this school will do for my kids.

One part of the meeting was on what the kids should wear. They have decided that the kids will wear solid color polo shirts (any color) and dark blue, black, or khaki colored pants. The pants can be jeans (Horrah!), but they need to be dark colored jeans. As they were discussing this they were talking about sleeve length on the shirts...

"Is it okay to have long sleeves in the winter?" asked on parent.

"Yes, that is fine. Short or Long sleeves... as long as it's a solid colored polo shirt and isn't sleeveless. We want to make sure the clothes are modest."

Now, I know most Mormons in this area would think nothing of this exchange... and I understand that. They have been taught since they were young that sleeveless is "immodest". But to someone who is a non member or disenfranchised with the Church this screams LDS.... and I will tell you why.... where else outside of church do you hear the word "modesty" or "modest"? I'd be willing to bet not many places.

"They gave us a modest estimate on the house"... mostly in reference to things that are not done to an extreme.

Hate to say it... tank tops are not extreme... I could see the argument that halter tops or tube tops are. Really I can... heck! One wrong move and the girls can come out the play! Yikes! But when you see a nice womens business suit and the top is sleeveless does it really make you immediately think the outfit is skanky? In the past it would make me immediately think "Op, can't wear that!" and then I would go on... but never that the outfit didn't look nice.

So, to some, by indicating that sleeveless shirts are immodest... it appears to be a religious issue, not a "modesty" issue. And by default it seems to say "People that wear sleeveless shirts are immodest" and can be offensive. And it can imply not so good things about the speaker... one of the synonyms of "modest" is, after all, "prudish"...

Now, just to be clear, I wasn't offended by the exchange, though I have to admit that I did cringe a little for the thought that many people that are vehemently opposed the the LDS viewpoint might have an adverse reaction.

Sometimes wording can say a whole lot more than you intend it to say...

Admit It! Your a NERD too!

Ok, so after I went to my high school reunion I got the thinking.

First off, if you don't already know, Jer is a HUGE W.O.W. Geek! No, not "Oh WOW!", but World of Warcraft "WOW". he has always loved games, whether it was board games or video or computer. Games are for Jer. or Jer is for games... I'm not sure which.

Anywho....

So oftentimes when we go places Jer can't help but to make some random comment or joke that pertains to WOW. And quite often he gets odd looks for it. Then he mentions that I play WOW and I most definitely get odd looks for it. Cause, you know, GIRLS aren't into that stuff!!! :D What I find amusing about this is the fact that this game is wildly popular. I promise that I have met more people that play WOW than any other hobby I've ever had... and I'm not talking about meeting them "in-game" either.

You know when you are on a date and happen to be talking "WOW lingo" and your waitress gets all chummy and excited about it with you... that you can't be THAT weird.

So, I've come to believe that everyone is a nerd in some way. Not necessarily with World of Warcraft, maybe Star Wars, board games, collecting random figurines, or maybe some other "nerdy" vice. I tend to find people that admit they are nerds in some fashion really fun to be around, cause lets face it... to some extent they really don't care that people think they are nerds!!! yay empowerment! :D

NERDS UNITE!!!

PS I found this article to be HIGHLY amusing.

Do you ever feel out of place?

I don't mean "Mormon at a strip club" our of place. I mean in a place where ideally you should be perfectly comfortable.

I had loads of these experiences in high school. You know. That awkward "not comfortable in your own skin" feeling that every normal teen feels on a regular basis. When you wonder why on earth you ended up in a given place at a given time cause, gosh darn it, it doesn't feel like it would make any difference to anyone there if you weren't there.

Sometimes it's purely teenage hormones, sometimes it the fact that that one kid kinda treats you like they think you are dumb or not as good as they are.

Since I went to college these experiences dramatically dropped. Probably due to the fact that I realized that it didn't matter how hard I tried there was no way that everyone was going to love, LOVE, LOVE me. As much as I always wanted to be that person that people come to the party to hang out with, that the party just isn't the same without... That person, that life of the party? Just isn't the person who I am. And by college I'd come to terms with this to some extent. Though I still escaped to my parents house every weekend to "do laundry" (and for those of you that know Jer and I's personal joke about "doing laundry" I'm NOT talking about that... get your minds out of the gutter!!!! I was a pretty good kid and I knew what not to mess around with ... THANK GOODNESS!).

Mainly the reason I would go to my parents house was because I always felt wanted there, greatly missed when I wasn't around, and greatly appreciated whenever I did something for someone else. I always felt that the things I did were noticed, even when nobody said anything about them. In fact it was a common thing for me to try to do nice things and hope that nobody knew it was me that did them (which is really hard when you are the only kid left in the house!)

As I got older and got married and had my kids I became less and less concerned about being in the "IN" crowd. I was too busy. Once in a while Jer and I will notice the way someone behaves towards us... such as the neighbor who can't tolerate us, but has to be civil because their spouse would be mortified if they weren't. Or the fact that a certain group of people never acknowledges us. But for the most part, we don't let it effect us too much. Again, we are too busy worrying about our kids and whatnot to worry about how to get in with the "in" crowd. Besides the fact that fake people bug the crap out of me... and to be part of the "in" crowd I would in essence have to BE fake. Not really myself. I would be disgusted with myself. And in the end that would be more harmful that not being a part of the "in" crowd. For the most part I keep myself out of situations where I would feel unwanted or out of place, as it were. I try VERY hard not to insert myself where I am unwanted.

So this last weekend I had the rare occurrence of actually feeling out of place when I don't think I should have. Who knows it may have been hormones... I mean this morning I DID get sick with morning sickness... and isn't' that caused by hormones?!

As I stood there, in that place that I was at, I thought... "Why am I here?". Well, I had good reasons to be there. I try very hard to be a good friend even if there is never an occasion for the favor to be returned. And trying to be a good friend is the reason I was where I was. The interesting thing was though... that the person I came for was not the person/people that made me feel out of place. The thing that made me feel the most out of place? The fact that one or two of the 30 some-odd people at this event seamed to have it in there mind that I was below them.

Do people not realize how obvious it is when you try to pretend to be interested in someone, especially someone you really have no connection with? I personally would rather be ignored. Then at least I can save us all the discomfort and quietly excuse myself and either go find someone there who really wants to talk to me, or go home to my loving hubby and adoring kidlets.

Why is it that every once in a while Heavenly Father decides that we need a time warp and need to remember how it feels to be a misfit. Maybe it's to insight gratitude for all that we have. For all those moments when we feel perfectly at home. Perfectly loved. Perfectly wanted and needed. And perfectly normal. With of course those few quirks that make those you love raise their eyebrow and think "that was such a (insert name here) thing to do!" with a smile on their lips.

Being Grateful

Lately I've had a hard time. Mostly with tolerating my children. What a horrid thing to say, that I tolerate them. Most days I have moments where I just want to scream (though I try very hard not to!). I often look around at the other mom's around me and think "what is wrong with me? why don't I have as much fun with my kids as they do?" or sometimes in frustrated moments I slip into the whole "what is wrong with my kids?" thinking that is so desperately unfair to them. I expect too much.
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There is a saying somewhere that I once heard about putting someone on a pedestal. That when you put people on a pedestal the only thing for them to do is fall. I believe I do this with my own children.
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I need a vacation, that goes without saying, but I realized something today...

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I need to change my perspective. Instead of trying so hard to make them conform and be what I want them to be (which I myself would TOTALLY rebel against). I have been totally oblivious to the fact that Heavenly Father doesn't force us to do anything. I need to figure out a way to lead my children to do what is needed.

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But before I can do that I need to learn to truly appreciate them. How do I go about doing this without having to have something horrible or truly dramatic and painful happen? I am bound and determined to change my attitude. I recognize now that the problem is not with motherhood, the world around me, or my children.
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The problem is ME!
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So tonight I'm going to start by writing on my mirror in my bathroom in big dry erase marker letters "How would I feel without Them" to remind me that many mothers would give anything to have their children around to whine, to fight, to talk back, and be generally disagreeable. Mothers who have lost children to accidents, or to a spouse who was unwilling to "work things out". Mothers who have disabled children who will never be able to have the ability to hit their little sister or scream at their older brother. Women who are unable to have there own children and who simple cherish the thought of being called "Mommy" even if it is yelled through a closed door at 3 am in the morning.
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Even though I have a difficult time being grateful for my kids on a day to day basis, I realize when put to it that I love them with all that I am. All my life I have always wanted to be a mother. And I never regret that decision. I cannot see myself ever choosing a career over raising my children. In my mind it is equivalent to handing them over for someone else to raise. Given the choice I would gladly step in front of a Mac truck for any one of them, and I'm not just talking about to save their lives, I mean even just to better their lives. If my dieing would in return give them a fulfilling existence I'd do it. I would be devastated if I were to loose a child, have one of my children permanently injured in some way, or even have them make ghasty mistakes that would cause them pain in the future. So before the time comes that they can make those errors I WILL do all I can to change myself to be the best mother that I can be.
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So tomorrow is the day. It's going to be the first day that I truly try not only to have patience with my kids. not only to tolerate them, but to be grateful for them. To realize that after doing all I can do, I need to trust them, and I need to trust in Him that it will be enough.

Thursdays

You know... I've decided I like Thursdays. They don't enough credit. Friday and Saturday always get the glory it seams. But Thursday isn't so bad! Yeah, it's not the last day of work for the week, but it is on the downhill side! And it's a day that you don't have to rush around preparing for the weekend quite yet... if your weekend involves anything big. Everything isn't demanding my time on Thursday. Mondays Are crazy and I understand why people dislike them. Tuesdays are still too early in the week to be too excited about. Wednesdays seam to me to be the days of craziness around here... with preschool, volleyball, naptime, Jer's scouts, and errands that need to be run. But Thursdays. Oh Thursdays, seam to be the day to catch up with things I haven't gotten done or relax if I have kept on top of things. And hey! tomorrow IS Friday... right??