When I was a child I remember always playfully arguing with my mom whenever she would tuck me in for the night.
She would come into my room in the evening when I was ready for bed, tuck the covers around me, kiss me and hug me, and with a wish of "sweet dreams" would leave the room. As she made sure the door was open wide (the way I liked it) on the way out she would say "I love you!"
"I love you more mom."
"You will never know how much I love you until you have children of your own! Sweet dreams kiddo..."
Then she would leave to go read or to finish last minute things before going to bed herself.
Sometimes we would tease each other about who loved the other more throughout the day:
"I love you mom!"
"I love you too April"
"I love you more!"
"I love YOU more."
"Nu-uh!"
Back and forth until in the end mom would say "Until you are a mother yourself, you will never know how much I love you!"
As the years past we had these kinds of playful conversations often. Through my teenage years, even up to when I was married.
Then I had a child of my own.
She was right (as she often is!). We no longer argue about who loves the other more... We both know who loves the other more. But since having my own children I know that my love for her has grown as well, due to knowing just how much she loves me.
As I go throughout my day, tidying up (lets face it, I don't like to clean), and making sure homework gets done, making sure the dishes are in the dishwasher, and being a mediator to my childrens arguments sometimes my daughter will say to me:
"I love you mom!"
"I love you too Missy."
"I love YOU moooore!"
To which I reply "You will never know how much I love you until you have children of your own!" And I hug her and squeeze her and watch as she goes to find her brothers to play with.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Opportunity Lost?
Recently I've been scanning my grandmother's pictures onto CD Rom. Mainly because it's an updated format, it's easier to copy and use, and who wants a billion photo albums around? Really?
As I look through them I see myself at times when I was younger.
From the time I was about ten till I was starting high school I was an awkward child. If I had been a boy I would have probably been the husky tacky quiet-ish kid that played football... but I was a girl, so I was the husky tacky quiet one with the freckles.
Oh, I had freckles. Still do actually, but they have faded a lot (thank goodness) and aren't very noticeable anymore. I slowly gained some style and by the time I hit high school I think I had it figured out for my body build. But in the years I was just talking about... The pre-teen to early teen years, those were hard years. I think they are hard for everyone in one way or another. The point I was trying to make is that I wasn't a very cute kid (as far as my own opinion goes, and that wasn't just my personal opinion of myself at the time, but my opinion now as I look back at pictures of that time).
I didn't have any cousins that I was really close to. There were only really three that were anywhere near my age. One lived in Tulsa, one lived in California, and the other lived in Utah (which we visited often) but was pretty rebellious and I felt wasn't really interested in being friends with me. My sisters and I were closer to my mom's family than to my dad's, the grand kids on that side of the family were born in two main groups. The older group was just younger than my youngest aunts and the younger group was about ten years younger than me.
Does anyone else ever feel like they were born at the wrong time? I do sometimes. Not that I'm not grateful for all the cool things we have these days! But I do wonder if maybe I had been born a few years earlier I might have been able to be more connected. At least as far as my extended family was concerned. I really wish at times that I had fallen into one of the two groups of grandkids.
Even now as I look at my cousins I don't think they would be very interested in me or my life, probably because they never had any reason to be. Why would they be curious about someone they never really knew? Age difference makes such a huge difference as kids, and I think that with cousins and family etc, it continues to make a huge difference even as adults because you remember what a big thing it was as kids. That and with family you tend to slip back into old roles when you all come together.
I had an aunt when I was little (under 8) that I was really close to. I adored her. Every time my parents would take us to my grandma's house the first thing I would do was quickly run down to her room to see if she was around. She is ten years older than me but somehow we had a really good connection.
Somehow as I got older that connection was lost. I moved to Idaho, she got married, I became the awkward teenager, she had kids of her own and then moved away from Utah and my grandma.
As a teenager I remember wishing that I was more of a priority for someone, anyone, in my extended family But I realized that they all had their own lives and their own kids to be worried about and that was just the way things were. I wouldn't expect them to put me above their lives, that was unreasonable.
But now I look back and wonder if anything might have been done to save that special relationship with my aunt. If I might have been able to be a light in her life that I didn't realize that she needed at the time. If I might have been able to help in some way. I know I was just a kid, but somehow I was able to hold onto a relationship with a friend I moved away from in the 2nd grade through all this time... why couldn't I hold onto the relationship with my aunt too?
Today she is going to school and working after a nasty divorce. Trying her best to support her youngest child... the older two are old enough for college now and I don't think (I don't know for sure) that they have a very good relationship with her. She has been hurt by life and doesn't like to let others know when she is in need of anything. She is very independent. Because of this, I don't think I can very easily renew our friendship... on top of that she still lives in another state.
If only her kids could see the lady I saw! And still see glimmers of.
She is truly one of the few people that I thought the world of as a child and as I have grown, my opinion of her never changed. She is compassionate and puts her heart and soul into things. She is spunky and has a great sense of humor. She defies the odds in all things gender related. She excels at math and in fields that, to this day, are still male dominated. She loves her tools... and she is just generally a good person.
Oh, if only I hadn't allowed our relationship to slip... I would truly adore having that relationship back.
I don't know, maybe I can do something about that...
As I look through them I see myself at times when I was younger.
From the time I was about ten till I was starting high school I was an awkward child. If I had been a boy I would have probably been the husky tacky quiet-ish kid that played football... but I was a girl, so I was the husky tacky quiet one with the freckles.
Oh, I had freckles. Still do actually, but they have faded a lot (thank goodness) and aren't very noticeable anymore. I slowly gained some style and by the time I hit high school I think I had it figured out for my body build. But in the years I was just talking about... The pre-teen to early teen years, those were hard years. I think they are hard for everyone in one way or another. The point I was trying to make is that I wasn't a very cute kid (as far as my own opinion goes, and that wasn't just my personal opinion of myself at the time, but my opinion now as I look back at pictures of that time).
I didn't have any cousins that I was really close to. There were only really three that were anywhere near my age. One lived in Tulsa, one lived in California, and the other lived in Utah (which we visited often) but was pretty rebellious and I felt wasn't really interested in being friends with me. My sisters and I were closer to my mom's family than to my dad's, the grand kids on that side of the family were born in two main groups. The older group was just younger than my youngest aunts and the younger group was about ten years younger than me.
Does anyone else ever feel like they were born at the wrong time? I do sometimes. Not that I'm not grateful for all the cool things we have these days! But I do wonder if maybe I had been born a few years earlier I might have been able to be more connected. At least as far as my extended family was concerned. I really wish at times that I had fallen into one of the two groups of grandkids.
Even now as I look at my cousins I don't think they would be very interested in me or my life, probably because they never had any reason to be. Why would they be curious about someone they never really knew? Age difference makes such a huge difference as kids, and I think that with cousins and family etc, it continues to make a huge difference even as adults because you remember what a big thing it was as kids. That and with family you tend to slip back into old roles when you all come together.
I had an aunt when I was little (under 8) that I was really close to. I adored her. Every time my parents would take us to my grandma's house the first thing I would do was quickly run down to her room to see if she was around. She is ten years older than me but somehow we had a really good connection.
Somehow as I got older that connection was lost. I moved to Idaho, she got married, I became the awkward teenager, she had kids of her own and then moved away from Utah and my grandma.
As a teenager I remember wishing that I was more of a priority for someone, anyone, in my extended family But I realized that they all had their own lives and their own kids to be worried about and that was just the way things were. I wouldn't expect them to put me above their lives, that was unreasonable.
But now I look back and wonder if anything might have been done to save that special relationship with my aunt. If I might have been able to be a light in her life that I didn't realize that she needed at the time. If I might have been able to help in some way. I know I was just a kid, but somehow I was able to hold onto a relationship with a friend I moved away from in the 2nd grade through all this time... why couldn't I hold onto the relationship with my aunt too?
Today she is going to school and working after a nasty divorce. Trying her best to support her youngest child... the older two are old enough for college now and I don't think (I don't know for sure) that they have a very good relationship with her. She has been hurt by life and doesn't like to let others know when she is in need of anything. She is very independent. Because of this, I don't think I can very easily renew our friendship... on top of that she still lives in another state.
If only her kids could see the lady I saw! And still see glimmers of.
She is truly one of the few people that I thought the world of as a child and as I have grown, my opinion of her never changed. She is compassionate and puts her heart and soul into things. She is spunky and has a great sense of humor. She defies the odds in all things gender related. She excels at math and in fields that, to this day, are still male dominated. She loves her tools... and she is just generally a good person.
Oh, if only I hadn't allowed our relationship to slip... I would truly adore having that relationship back.
I don't know, maybe I can do something about that...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Environmentalism
Ok. So I don't really know where I fall in the political scheme of things. I know I'm not Republican and I know I'm not Democrat... I land somewhere in the middle.
That being said, I think we really should take better care of our planet, and NO I don't think trees should have the same rights as people... I'm nutty, but no that nutty.
The big oil spill in the gulf is horrifying, I'm glad BP is at least being inventive with how to fix the darned problem (hopefully before it gets 5000X worse). I really hope and pray their attempt works. The mess this is making is beyond my comprehension. As it is I look at some of the strip mining around SLC and think it's a tragedy and have a hard time comprehending the damage of THAT, let alone how many oodles of gallons of raw oil gushing into the ocean...
That being said, there isn't a whole lot little ol' me can do about all of that.
I mean, I try to be mindful of the resources I use in my day to day life, but with 3 kids and an income that only stretches so far I find myself at a loss. I really wish I could afford solar cells for the roof of my house, but honestly by the time they pay for themselves isn't it about time to replace them? Or am I behind the times?
I have a hard time knowing what things the average person can do to truly have less of a negative impact on the world around them. I'm so glad that society has stopped advocating the use of plastic and paper bags for groceries, instead pointing towards reusable bags. The problem is that I don't know how much of an impact even those make. (speaking of, anyone have a good idea where to get cheap ones?)
It's like this, "they" say that driving electric cars will be more environmentally friendly... I'm also confused about this, because the electricity has to come from somewhere! In this case usually a hook up through home. Where does the power from our homes come from? Usually coal plants. So, burn coal, or burn gas... GAH. The whole thing really makes me wish my city was more bike friendly. As it is, it's busy 50MPH roads and no bike lanes with young children... risk assessment for me = too high. I don't want my kids thinking it's okay to ride along those roads when I'm not around at very least!
I don't know... is anyone as lost as I am on this front? I feel pretty darned clueless. Anyone have any good sources for info on things like this? You know... straight forward "layman's" terms and as non politically slanted as possible?
That being said, I think we really should take better care of our planet, and NO I don't think trees should have the same rights as people... I'm nutty, but no that nutty.
The big oil spill in the gulf is horrifying, I'm glad BP is at least being inventive with how to fix the darned problem (hopefully before it gets 5000X worse). I really hope and pray their attempt works. The mess this is making is beyond my comprehension. As it is I look at some of the strip mining around SLC and think it's a tragedy and have a hard time comprehending the damage of THAT, let alone how many oodles of gallons of raw oil gushing into the ocean...
That being said, there isn't a whole lot little ol' me can do about all of that.
I mean, I try to be mindful of the resources I use in my day to day life, but with 3 kids and an income that only stretches so far I find myself at a loss. I really wish I could afford solar cells for the roof of my house, but honestly by the time they pay for themselves isn't it about time to replace them? Or am I behind the times?
I have a hard time knowing what things the average person can do to truly have less of a negative impact on the world around them. I'm so glad that society has stopped advocating the use of plastic and paper bags for groceries, instead pointing towards reusable bags. The problem is that I don't know how much of an impact even those make. (speaking of, anyone have a good idea where to get cheap ones?)
It's like this, "they" say that driving electric cars will be more environmentally friendly... I'm also confused about this, because the electricity has to come from somewhere! In this case usually a hook up through home. Where does the power from our homes come from? Usually coal plants. So, burn coal, or burn gas... GAH. The whole thing really makes me wish my city was more bike friendly. As it is, it's busy 50MPH roads and no bike lanes with young children... risk assessment for me = too high. I don't want my kids thinking it's okay to ride along those roads when I'm not around at very least!
I don't know... is anyone as lost as I am on this front? I feel pretty darned clueless. Anyone have any good sources for info on things like this? You know... straight forward "layman's" terms and as non politically slanted as possible?
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sigh
So, okay... Jer and I have planned a trip to go to the LA area for a while now. Well, actually since about November when I was on the verge of just calling everything quits. I needed a break, or at least a shimmer of hope that a break was coming!
So we decided to head out to LA this summer and stay with a good friend and her husband while we got a break from the kidlets. We thought that while we were there we could be sure to try and get into a filming of the Craig Ferguson show (Otherwise known as The Late Late Show). I love Craig Ferguson, I think he is absolutely hilarious!!! Best late night TV there is! However, at the moment I'm a little disenchanted with little Craig- i-pooh... you see, he decided not to film the week we are going to be in town!
Now, I wouldn't have much of an issue with this if they put up their calender a little earlier... however, they seem to be under the impression that people don't plan their trips any more than three weeks out. WTH?!?
So here's a tip for the scheduling people over at "On Camera Audiences"... get on the ball and plan a little people! PS...you suck. I love Craig, but now officially loath you.
The End.
So we decided to head out to LA this summer and stay with a good friend and her husband while we got a break from the kidlets. We thought that while we were there we could be sure to try and get into a filming of the Craig Ferguson show (Otherwise known as The Late Late Show). I love Craig Ferguson, I think he is absolutely hilarious!!! Best late night TV there is! However, at the moment I'm a little disenchanted with little Craig- i-pooh... you see, he decided not to film the week we are going to be in town!
Now, I wouldn't have much of an issue with this if they put up their calender a little earlier... however, they seem to be under the impression that people don't plan their trips any more than three weeks out. WTH?!?
So here's a tip for the scheduling people over at "On Camera Audiences"... get on the ball and plan a little people! PS...you suck. I love Craig, but now officially loath you.
The End.
School!
Okay, so I know school is almost out for the summer, which I'm excited for as well and a little worried about lol have to find out when swim lessons are this summer!
This summer Goober will be in summer school for a month for Title 1 reading help. I know with the change in everyones schedule that I probably won't be so good at making sure he reads and I don't want him to loose all the progress he has made this year! My mom is awe-some and is willing to take him while we are out of town for a week this summer (really, could I ask for a better mom?! I don't think so!)
All this year Missy has totally resisted learning much (unfortunately) but it IS preschool, so at least that is some comfort... she refuses to learn how to spell her name (or work on it at all with me) and her teacher says she needs to work on using scissors. I'm hoping that bribery with gummy bears and some help from her older brother might help. Considering this, I'm also hoping that a different teaching method might help.
Recently it was advertised that there is going to be a new Montessori style charter school starting in our area. I applied for both of the older kids and got them both in! One of my friends husbands did the design on the building (it won't have grass on the top though) and I drove by the other day and the tractors are going, getting that baby up and ready to go come this fall. I'm excited, but I little worried because it will be it's first year running and of course everyone will be scrambling to get things into smooth running order... I hope everything falls into place quickly. I looked at the committees they still need help on and don't see that I'm qualified for where they need help. I think I will offer to be a willing body, even if it is just to run out and get coffee and donuts lol.
Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the changes!
This summer Goober will be in summer school for a month for Title 1 reading help. I know with the change in everyones schedule that I probably won't be so good at making sure he reads and I don't want him to loose all the progress he has made this year! My mom is awe-some and is willing to take him while we are out of town for a week this summer (really, could I ask for a better mom?! I don't think so!)
All this year Missy has totally resisted learning much (unfortunately) but it IS preschool, so at least that is some comfort... she refuses to learn how to spell her name (or work on it at all with me) and her teacher says she needs to work on using scissors. I'm hoping that bribery with gummy bears and some help from her older brother might help. Considering this, I'm also hoping that a different teaching method might help.
Recently it was advertised that there is going to be a new Montessori style charter school starting in our area. I applied for both of the older kids and got them both in! One of my friends husbands did the design on the building (it won't have grass on the top though) and I drove by the other day and the tractors are going, getting that baby up and ready to go come this fall. I'm excited, but I little worried because it will be it's first year running and of course everyone will be scrambling to get things into smooth running order... I hope everything falls into place quickly. I looked at the committees they still need help on and don't see that I'm qualified for where they need help. I think I will offer to be a willing body, even if it is just to run out and get coffee and donuts lol.
Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the changes!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
No TV.
and not by choice....
Our sole TV just broke. Granted it's 5 years old... but this SUCKS. We only own one TV because a) I don't really want the kids THAT dependent on it (which isn't really working all that well) and b) they are bloody expensive.
And of course it woul dhave to die five minutes before all the repair places close on a Saturday.
I really hope my kids and I survive Sunday... and however long it takes to get it fixed (which might be a while because I don't really know if I want to spend money on it.)
Our sole TV just broke. Granted it's 5 years old... but this SUCKS. We only own one TV because a) I don't really want the kids THAT dependent on it (which isn't really working all that well) and b) they are bloody expensive.
And of course it woul dhave to die five minutes before all the repair places close on a Saturday.
I really hope my kids and I survive Sunday... and however long it takes to get it fixed (which might be a while because I don't really know if I want to spend money on it.)
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