Hoping it will start to feel like summer...

before I have to start doing school shopping.

Last weekend I went to Boise for a Bloggersnacker with some of the FMH women... it was an all weekend long thing where you bring yourself and stuff to spend the night and of course some munchies. It was really fun and I really wished I could stay all weekend long, but alas I had to be home by Saturday night due to the Neighborhood Watch BBQ that I was in charge of. So I ended up leaving the delightfully hilarious FMH ladies with whom I wish I had gotten a chance to know better, really early in the morning (well, really early if you have stayed up till 2 the night before...) in order to get back to IF in time for the BBQ without konking out on the long (and might I say BORING) drive home alone from Boise.

The BBQ turned out okay I guess. At the moment I'm rather frustrated with my neighborhood. They say they will support you in something and then don't follow through. I'm having a bit of difficulty finding anyone willing to make it so that if I NEED to skip an event I can... and needless to say, donations toward the signage are going rather slow. Honestly there are a lot of houses in our neighborhood, and all it would take is 20 of them donating $5 to get the signs up... Ya, it's going slow, and I must say I'm rather underwhelmed. If I don't start seeing more support from my neighbors I think that I may just come to the conclusion that most of them aren't interested in having a neighborhood watch (some are interested in it mind you! just not many) and I will bag it. It's not worth the time and effort working on things that people aren't interested in or willing to support. Let alone the fact that I'm having everything translated into Spanish and not ONE Spanish speaker has shown up to either of the events. Why am I doing this if no one is benefiting? I regretted not staying at the Bloggersnacker in Boise.

Monday I went to the Chiropractor and got my back adjusted, then Wednesday I called and canceled further appointments until I can afford them. Started to seriously consider going back to school... and was going to start looking into it yesterday but got distracted somehow. Which happens often do to the kids asking to go do something like this:

 or this:

:) They are sweet and I love them to death....

Today is the last day of Goober's Summer School. He was behind in reading so they asked if he would do summer school, which actually I would prefer simply because me keeping a schedule for him and I reading to each other is a bit of a mess... and often doesn't happen. I know.... bad mom. Anywho, with summer school he was less likely to get any farther behind than he already was so I jumped for it.

Well, today is the last day, and I had a Dermatologist appointment to get to this morning. I didn't realize that Goober was likely to get out early today until he told me last night. So I let him skip out on school, because honestly, I was worried he would come home when I was gone to my appointment and totally freak out. My friend Erin watched them while I went to my appointment.

I love having friends that I trust with my kids and that I don't feel like I'm imposing on when I do. Plus, she has dogs... which Turbo HATES, but which are good for him because he really needs to learn to be okay with them. Erin is sweet and manages to keep him untraumatized. They are sweet dogs too, so he has absolutely no reason to be afraid....now I just wish he would internalize that!

The doctor froze off two spots on my skin so now I have ouchness, but I'd rather that than cancer... Thankyouverymuch. Fair skin can suck.

So anyways, June was nuts and I felt like I hardly had a moment to think let alone relax! Hopefully July will be better and I will find that the kids don't pick on each other to the point that my sanity goes out the window. I really need to look into when the Library does "reading time" and when the pools next session of lessons are even though I'm not terribly sure we can afford it this year. It's a safety thing though, so I really really WANT to afford it for them.

Tomorrow our family is going to my parents house for our annual fireworks! My parents get fireworks for the group, we have a BBQ then light them off, when they are done we move to the back yard and watch their little towns fireworks because the view is really good :) It's wonderful to be able to do that, if my kids get too droopy I can always go lay them down inside! As always the weekend of the 4th is always a bit insane, this year our city is moving the celebration from the 4th to the 3rd because the 4th is on a Sunday (don't ask me... I don't really get why celebrating our Independence is not Sabbath worthy... ) so because of that my parents little town moved theirs to the 2nd because they don't want to have to compete with the bigger city (now, I DO get that).

I don't know if we will be going to the parade or not... mainly because if the kids are up late the night before they may be a major handful the next morning, but we will see. I would really like to go.

Anyhow, that is that.... as they say. Oh! and I taught myself how to do a 4 strand braid. Yay me! lol

People I Haven't Seen (or Heard from Personally) in Years.

Okay, so I have a dilemma...

When I was in college I had quite a few sets of roommates, not because I didn't get a long with people, but because I felt it was a good opportunity for change and a good way to meet new people. During the two and a half years I was there I had four sets of roommates, which I was totally okay with.

There was one set of roommates that I would term my "best" roommates, in that I got along fairly well with all of them. They were pretty neat girls. Though, I will admit, that I was always one to be over sensitive about being left out of things... so instead of being left out, often times I would take off for the weekend to do laundry at my parents house (kind of a preemptive "I won't be around to be left out" kind of thing... looking back I maybe should have acted differently, I don't know honestly)

Well, this set of roommates tries to get together about every four years or so. It's kinda neat. Last time we spent a weekend near park city, just the six of us girls... well, except the baby one of the girls brought along. It was a nice get away (though -- I admit -- I felt fat the whole time, that's what happens when you go four years without seeing people and you are one of two people that have gained weight, and the heaviest one by far. This was nobody's fault but my own though! Yup, blaming self there). Everyone was pretty agreeable, and I never felt outcast in any way.

Alas it's been four years again and I recently received an email mentioning another "roomie reunion". My dilemma is this: I seldom hear from these ladies except when one of these "reunions" comes up... I don't know if I should take that as an indication that they really aren't too interested in me or just that they have their own lives to lead and it doesn't occur to them (see, still haven't gotten rid of that overly sensitive to being left out thing... have a feeling I will be struggling with that for the rest of my life...). That by itself isn't a big problem but it also seems that there is a desire to have it only be the "girls" again and most of the ladies have never met my husband and most certainly do not know my children. Besides, we excluded the guys and kids last time and there was mention of sometime doing something with all of them (or at least a lunch or something with all of them) so we could meet each others families. Together these two things (no contact and no family) start to be a problem for me.

I don't want to give the impression that I'm a total spoil sport, that I'm a big party-pooper, but really... it does appear that these people don't really want to know or understand me (or each other, unless they have been in constant contact over the last four years and have all met each others husbands and families...). Yes, I'm much more than just a mother and a wife, I hate it when people assume that there is not more to me... but my husband is my best friend on the entire planet (I honestly don't know how I could handle life without him), and I would give my life for any one of my kids to have the opportunity to become all that they want to be in this life, get that -- give my life for their opportunity. I'm not saying that this isn't also the case with many of these girls... I just don't really know how I can really know them, or they me, without us at least meeting (or having the opportunity to meet) the most important parts of our lives.

Maybe they just need a weekend off from being mom and wife. I understand that. Hell, at the end of May Jer and I are taking off for a week sans kids because I almost went insane this winter because of the overwhelming feeling of loosing my identity. There has to be time to be "ME" in any persons life, but does it have to be an occasion that happens only once every four years? Last time I honestly considered not going because I wouldn't have my greatest emotional support in the world there with me (yup, that's Jer -- just knowing he is around helps me to be, well, more ME! Especially the current me). I think I'd be okay without the kids... then again, atm I'm a little OD ed on them... I would LOVE to meet the other girls husbands and families though!!!

This time, I don't know if I will go or not, I honestly don't know if it will make much of a difference to them or not if I am actually there. I mean, sure, anyone would say "Ohhhh, I'm so sad you aren't coming!" or "We really missed you!" but sometimes it's really hard to tell if that is just being kind aka not rude, or if it's honestly the truth. Besides... I have no idea if I will even be able to hold a conversation with these girls... I have, after all, gone a bit "apostate" and would most likely no longer agree with any of them politically, I still hate scrap booking, and I have this newly discovered feminist streak in me... then there is the old "I'm going to get left out" ailment...

PS I know a couple of them have been to my blog before (I don't know if they check it anymore) but just in case, my intention is not to offend or accuse anyone of anything or to hurt anyones feelings, just to try to hash it out to see more clearly where I stand on the whole thing. Okay, butt sufficiently covered.

Feeling like a crappy parent....

So Goober asked Jer to cut his hair the other day...

Goober hates even the thought of Jer or I cutting his hair. Hates it. Screams bloody murder at the trimmers. So I was very surprised when he asked.

He did it because he saw Jer cutting EBs hair with no problem whatsoever. EB standing there looking around and Jer just running the trimmers through his hair....

Looking back on it, maybe we should have tried to cut his hair right then. But we didn't. We decided to wait till tonight.

Jer took a bar stool and put it out on the back deck, you know, less cleanup that way. And then had Goober sit on the bar stool.

Ya, not such a great idea.

As soon as Jer touched his hair with the trimmers the screaming commenced. Except now there wasn't really much of an option...cause Goober had a big bald patch just above his left ear. And of course we didn't think about the fact that if he freaked out all the hair places would be closed for the night. And Goober has school in the morning.

Basically it was one of three options... let Goober go to school and be made fun of (not keen on that one), Let Goober stay home from school and take him to get his hair cut (He already missed today due to a low grade fever this morning), or somehow get the kid to let us finish cutting his hair.....

Yah, can I say NONE of those happened. It was not good.

Basically Jer and I ruled out options one and two because we are trying to be good parents and trying to protect our kid from humiliation and also trying not to give him the impression that school is optional.

So we proceeded to try to bribe the kid. "You can have a sucker" and "Afterwords you can have a Popsicle".

Nope. No can do.

Then it changed to "Honey, this doesn't hurt" (for some reason he is set on the fact that a haircut from Jer or I hurts.... EB didn't think so.... *sigh*) and "can you be really brave? What can I do to help? Will holding your hand help?" and attempting to try to continue cutting his hair. Commence freak out.

Then it started to get really tiring. And cold outside... and starting to get dark. It was "Goober stop freaking out or your going to loose the video games for tomorrow" ...

Nope. No can do. Nothing was working. And seeing no other options that were really viable Jer and I commenced to cut Goobers hair the hard way. With him struggling and freaking out the whole time.

Afterword I was sure to let him know I loved him, gave him hugs and kisses, tried to explain that I wasn't trying to hurt either him or his feelings. How do you explain that to a kid?

Now that I look back on it (only about 30 minutes ago) I think that maybe I should have just let him go to school with it that way... or maybe just kept him home and took him to a hair place tomorrow. I mean, really? Would he ever remember that he once missed school to get a haircut?
I'm afraid he will have horrid first memories of Jer and I trying to cut his hair. I think he may have trust issues with us... I wonder why? Maybe because we push issues like this that are not that important? Maybe some other reason... I don't know....

Either way, I feel like a really crappy parent at the moment.