Here's the lowdown...

So, as Jer and I prepare for the worst we have come to some conclusions...

First, we need to rent our house out.

If the market were better we would try to sell it, but as it stands we would have to sell it at a loss... which is technically considered a short-sale. And it dings your credit. So for now we will be moving into Jer's parents basement. This is the most reliable way that we can see of being able to continue playing our house payments while I look for work.

Yes, that's right. I'm going back to work. I've applied to a temp service with the hopes of finding a job I can not just tolerate, but which I can enjoy. Hopefully something great will come my way.

If you are wondering what Jer will be doing, well...

He's going to go back to school.

He wants to go into computer tech. I'm glad he has a goal and something he can see himself doing :) And I hope that after we get through all of this we will be in a better place all around!

And who knows!? Maybe when we are all done we will truly be able to say "I understand" when the other complains about the monotony of housework or about a long week at work!

In the end, I have to think it's all for the best.

PS if you hear of any clerical or office jobs that are hiring... that's what I'd like to end up doing :)

Jer Lost His Job

Well, the title about says it all.

Today Jer came home from work with the news that he had been fired. Over a technicality at that, but it still doesn't change the fact.

He has been tired of working on the phones for quite some time.. it had started to be a drain on him emotionally and mentally, so hopefully this is a blessing in disguise.

This may mean many things, hopefully not many bad things. But if that is the case... it's the case and there isn't much I can do about it.

Jer is great about just about everything that he applies himself to. He is efficient and has a lot of common sense, he is also very good at learning new things. I know that whatever he ends up doing, he will do it well.

If you hear of anything, please let us know. This doesn't exclude me getting a job as well, If I need to (which is likely) I will.

Here's to hoping that this whole thing turns into a good opportunity.

bleh...

So yesterday I started to feel it.

That narsty ickyness in my stomach.

I couldn't decide if it was me becoming ill or just the placebo effect of everyone around me being ill and me thinking I could have gotten it too.

So I went to my Love and Logic class at the school last night and then came home and went to bed.

This morning I felt downright crappy. You know that feeling where if you lay down you feel like everything is up in your throat, but if you sit up you think you might hurl? Yeah, that feeling.

Jer took care of getting the kids up and getting them out the door, I did Missy's hair in a pony tail while she ate and then went back to bed. At some point my mom came by and dropped some things off.

Jer let me sleep.

I woke at about 11 and decided it was probably time to get a shower etc and that I felt remarkably better. I felt better for a while.

and then not so good.

Then better.

So, here is the question... at what point can I say "I feel better" when it's so off again and on again?! I had been planning on taking Missy to see some friends preform with their dance classes tonight... and tomorrow I had planned on going to Utah (I know my grandpa is really looking forward to the visit) and going to the aquarium because Missy has been asking to see "fishes" lately and it will be a while before I get another weekend that we can do that.

So if I don't start feeling crappy again, do you think it's alright to go ahead with my plans, or do you think maybe not?

Assumptions.

Isn't it interesting the assumptions that people make about others.

I find it amusing that ever since I started dying my hair punk colors teenagers now gravitate towards me... :)

Ever since I started wearing dangly earrings regularly people think I'm always put together... *snicker*

Ever since I started to exercise people think I eat right... MWHAHAHAHA

and ever since I became open about my lack of belief some people think that I'm not as worthwhile or as good of a person as I used to be ...

or at least they stopped trying as hard to hide how they felt.

That one is actually really, really sad and quite hurtful.

Crap

I think I might have strep throat. Guess I'll be going to the doctor tomorrow.

Attack of the craaaazy PTO lady....

I often wonder how other people see me. Last night our charter school had a "Parent Training Night" which basically helps parents know what to expect from our school and hopefully alleviates some unneeded concerns.

Well, towards the end the Principal/Administrator (yes they are the same guy... that is how Charter Schools work) asked me to get up and introduce myself and tell the parents a bit about what the PFA (aka a fancy acronym for PTO... oh, wait, that's another acronym!) was doing and what we need.

I knew that I would be doing this for a couple of days, which probably made it worse. I have never gotten up and talked from any other position than "hi, I'm here, and I have a question" in a largish meeting before.

I was nervous.

I think, and I may be wrong, that most people don't think I'm the type of person that gets nervous. I'm loud, I like to talk, I have no problem walking up to strangers and saying "Hi!", heck I never had much of an issue at church with giving talks (though they never asked me to! Some people just have luck. Mwhahaha ... or it could be a distinctly "I say what I think" attitude that scared them off... I dunno.)

Anyhow, on my Facebook status I put something up about rambling when I get nervous (which I do...among other things, like saying "um" waaaaay to much!). I always hope that when I do that ... you know... broadcast any feeling other than uber happy, that people don't think I'm fishing for compliments, cause I'm really not. I was nervous.

My stomach was even upset over it.

So the time came for me to get up and talk, and I did, and I took a friends advice... "just pretend that you aren't nervous" and everything turned out okay. I forgot one thing, but it was kinda minor... and my hair is admittedly unnatural so I wondered the whole time if people thought I was a nut, or if it made me more approachable.

How many people do you know with punk colored hair that aren't teenagers? (oh I hope people don't think I'm trying to be a teenager... ugh... NO THANK YOU!).

Anyhow, I think I got done what was needed... and hopefully soon I will get over my nerves.

P.S picture of the "hair"... I just had it done on Monday, and yes, anything dark in the picture is actually purple. (and no, I did not get a neck tattoo... that's an earing!)

Oh No, what did I get myself into?

Somehow I've ended up being the PFO (think PTO) President at a brand new school without any experience in anything PTO ever....

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

PS, this happened today.

Couponing

So I decided recently to try "couponing" ... which has to be a sort of hobby, because if it's not... well, you won't stick with it. I can tell you that!

Jer has a coworker who has offered to answer any questions I have and who also referred me to a friendly couponing blog from this area of the world. I also am aware of a couple of other people that I know who coupon... but whom I don't want to bug the living snot out of! (I'd rather annoy a stranger than incite friends to become strangers due to my pestering!)

So I got started, I ordered the newspaper (because those suckers have a load of coupons in the Sunday edition) and found that as I ordered it they have a "couponers special" which includes 5 (FIVE!!!) Sunday papers. Now, for those of you that don't coupon and think I have lost some marbles, couponers get as many coupons as they can so that if they find a sale on an item, have a store coupon, AND a manufacturers coupon... well, then they can buy more than one item for the steal of a deal!

So I printed, printed, printed coupons off of the internet and started clip, clip, clipping... and did more clipping... and more. Needless to say, I was tired of clipping. But here is something that is encouraging! I won't have to clip that much again all at once if I can keep on top of the most current coupons as they pop up. considering I am just starting I was printing off about a months worth of online coupons at one time! Yikes.

Anywho, wish me luck! Hopefully I can figure all of this out without too many faux pas... and hopefully I can save a load of money in the process.

We shall see.....

Usually...

I'm not able to blow my nose. I'm not really sure way...

Maybe it's because the passages from inside my head aren't conducive to it, however they do allow me to sniffle effectively.

Within the last couple of days though I've actually been able to blow my nose. Probably due to the large amount of crud stuck in my noggen!

I have a sinus infection. Never had one before that I can remember...

They suck.

Happy Us!

Happy 9th Anniversary sweetheart!... how I ever lucked out enough to get a guy like you I will probably never know...

XOXOXO,
    Yur Wifee

Sooooo

I went to the ENT this morning. I was the first appointment of the day....

And I waited an hour before the guy actually came in, THEN he took a call on his cell phone within a minute of coming in and walked right back out the door. With anyone else I would have said something... but obviously I want this guy to do something for me, so I don't really want to piss him off. I understand if he was on call at the hospital and was that late, but from what I have heard he is always late (along with many of the professionals in his field).

Why is it that doctors seem to think you should value their time, but when it comes to it being the other way around... Nope, you're not important enough, even though you pay the bills.

Here are my solutions:

Phone issue: When you are on call at the hospital, make sure they text you. That way you can glance at your phone, get the message, finish up with your patient and be on your way.

Tardiness: As far as being routinely an hour or more late... if you want to start your day later, THEN DO IT, but don't make appointments for times that you aren't willing to be there. If you have to, then make sure your family knows to get you out the door on time. If you are over 15 minutes late I say the office should give out $15 Wal-Mart gift certificate for every 15 minutes they are late.... ei an hour would equal $60 in goods and the insurance wouldn't be the one benefiting, it would be the customer for their wasted time.

Anyhow, he stuck an obnoxious little wire thingy up my nose (it was a scope) and then down to my voice box. I almost gagged. Yay for prodding of the orifices. They didn't find anything except that it looked like I have a little reflux and inflammation... nothing that would cause me to cough up blood.

So they scheduled a bronchoscopy (where they stick the evil wire down in your lungs and look around) for the 24th. Basically they want to rule out the big nasties (aka cancer) first... even if it does seem unlikely.

So now I'm on an antibiotic, and anti-inflammation, and reflux meds.

And we wonder why the pharmaceutical companies have so much power in our government! Gafah!

Relationships

I think I expect too much out of life sometimes. Mostly out of relationships. I can only think of maybe three relationships in my life that I'm satisfied with, and when I say satified I mean I don't think they could be better and if they do get better I would be pleasantly surprised.

My number one relationship is with Jer. Which is as it should be. I truly do think that we are two sides of the same coin. We rarely argue, and when we do it's usually because something is frustrating one or the other of us that has little to do with the person we are arguing with. ie I may be frustrated with the kids one day and Jer comes home and says something that usually wouldn't bug me, but because I'm already frustrated I let it bug me and off we go from there. He's an awesome dad and a wonderful husband. I could go on and on, but I won't cause that isn't what this post is about! :) The point is, our relationship is awesome and I don't think I could have found anyone who could truly "get" me as much as he does! Relationship with my hubby? A++

The second one is my relationship with my parents. Mom and I exercise together most mornings and often times my parents will drop by my house to see the kids and visit... usually about once every two weeks or so. My dad is more quiet and he works so getting together with him is a little harder simply because his schedule is a little less adjustable, but when I do get a chance to "hang out" with him I always enjoy it and he usually gets my mind running about one thing or another that I hadn't thought of before. Relationship with my parents? A++

The third relationship that I have that I'm quit satisfied with is that of my BFF Erika. I've known her forever and honestly she is probably closer to me than my own siblings. This is probably due to the rocks and roadblocks that have occurred within my relationships with my sisters. I would love to be close to them and I really try not to hold grudges, but past hurts sometimes still hurt. Erika and I can go for almost any length of time without talking and just pick up the phone and call, no reason, just to chit chat... and it's like we just talked last week... 'cept there's more things that have happened so therefore more things to talk about! We definitely see differently on a ton of things, but it makes for great conversations and not a dull moment :) And her family is way cute and she married a good guy... so what's not to love!? Relationship with Erika? A++

Besides that, like I said earlier, I think my expectations are too high. I hear about family that are waaaaay close. Sisters and bothers that talk to each other daily or cousins that hang out with each other all the time, and quiet frankly I'm jealous. I wish I had those too. But maybe those are the only close relationships that those people have. Maybe most people only have 2 or 3 A++ relationships? I'm not sure really. Would you say that is true?

I look around me and think "Man, wouldn't it be nice if ... " I was closer to my siblings, or I had a cousin I could talk to, or even an aunt. A grandparent? Someone who lives nearby? I get lonely to think there are so few people who really "get" me. Am I really so hard to "get"? Or do I unknowingly shut people out? I really don't try to.

Admittedly I know I rub some people the wrong way. If people are too much "black/white" or "right/wrong" thinkers I have a hard time with them. I try not to, but my world is full of grays... so it seems that they always want to lump me into one extreme or another, and I don't fit well in either group, and get irritated when people try to force me into one. Then again tolerance is something that I find indispensable.

Or maybe I'm just being too self analyzing... how many close relationships do you have?

I admit it, I'm obnoxious.

I'm one of THOSE people. You know the ones. The ones that make everyone else look bad, or the ones that end up in awkward situations due to their ailment.

That's right.

I'm incessantly and almost chronically early to just about everything. If I planning on meeting a friend for lunch:15 minutes, school meeting:5 minutes, doctors appointment:15 minutes. For anything I need a babysitter for I ask the sitter to be at my house a half hour early (in case they are running late or we get talking before I leave), and if it's a BBQ at a friends house I'm right on time (which most people know is about a half hour early). I plan with the knowledge of about how long it takes to get me and whomever is with me out the door and to the place we are going to with time to spare.

This bugs some people, but most of the people it bugs are those that are chronically late.

Do you know why I'm always early? I really don't think that many people really understand it. It's mostly because I'm trying to be considerate to those that are waiting on me. I consider it a sign of respect. If I'm early to a friends house I usually offer to help with whatever is going on. But I know that not everyone functions this way, in fact, most people don't and I usually don't take it offensively. Especially if I know the person well.

It's when I don't know the person well or I don't see or hear from them often that it becomes a problem.

Really, the same thing goes for people returning my phone calls. I don't really care if they call back or not when I call and leave a message saying something like "Hi, it's just me, just calling to pester you, nothing amazing. You can call me back or not, whatever. Bye". It's when I leave a message like that multiple times and I am never able to get a hold of them that it becomes a problem. I start to think that they really could give a flying goats fart about me or my life when people don't call back.

Or in fact when it goes for a long, long time without them ever calling me. I estimate that I can handle about a 10:1 ratio. I call 10 times, after that I start to think I shouldn't call anymore.

I like to talk. Anyone that knows me knows that I have a high number of words I need to get out a day. Get me going and I could probably talk all day as long as I can get someone to talk back to me! In fact, I call several people a day just to "chit-chat" because, honestly, I need to talk more than other people do. Or... at least that is the way that I figure it. Otherwise more people would be calling me than the other way around... right? Either that or people really don't care for me, but I don't think that is the case. One person I never want to be though, is that person that you say "I have to go" to and they just keep on going... like forever... no fail, you cannot get off the phone with them without feeling like you are being rude. I try really hard not to be that person who you dread getting calls from because you know the rest of your day will go to pot no matter what you do if you even pick up the darn thing when they ring.

Anyhow... ya, I think where I was going with this is that I don't do these things to be annoying. If anything I do them to be just the opposite.

My birfumday present to myself!

 Yup, I went and chopped my hair...

Oh COME ON!!! You all knew it was coming! How long is the longest I have ever kept my hair the same in anyway? I pride myself of the fact that I kept my natural color for OVER A YEAR! I haven't done that since I was in Jr. Highschool!

Anyhow, I love it... even if Missy doesn't!  lol

(and yes, I changed the color too... see the purple!?!)

Feeding Birds who Aren't Hungry.

This weekend the weather has been beautiful... so of course I told Jer we should go "Feed the ducks" at the river. Then I proceeded to scan pictures, because Turbo was taking a nap.

Well, little did I know, at some point Jer snuck upstairs and cleaned out the freezer (which is where I chuck all the bread heals that no one in our family really wants to eat, so that at some point I can take the kids and feed it to the ducks.). He gathered all of the frozen bread heals into one bag and set them on the counter to thaw.

When Turbo got up Jer decided it was time to go, which I was glad for because I've been kind of mopey today (weird, I know, for a perfectly sunny day... I think it may have to do with the fact that this is the time of year I want to totally revamp the yard in about a bazillion ways then I realize that there is definitely not enough funds for that...), we loaded the kidlets into the van and off we went to "feed the ducks".

Well, the ducks really weren't that hungry (everyone else in town apparently had the same idea and the poor things were gorged)... but the kids still enjoyed huking small pieces of bread into the river and watching them either a) sink for the fish to eat, or b) the seagulls swoop down and scoop them up.

After the bread was gone we all just sat and watched the birds for a while.

Turbo wasn't terribly happy with trying to look at me with the bright sun in his eyes, but HEY, there was SUN! Yay!

Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to plant in my garden...

Getting Old...

I seriously hope that when I get old... when my mind starts to fail and I can no longer care for myself, that I feel valued. If I don't feel that, I really hope God will have mercy on me and let me get on my way...

Then again, who knows how I will feel when that actually starts to happen.

Missy and Me...

Ooooookay, I guess I must conceed... Missy does look a lot like me. All she needs is a haircut and freckles... :)

Glad it's Friday

Glad it's sunny!

Glad I slept in...even if I did miss the news :)

Glad I have wonderful parents.

Glad I have a warm home and a comfy bed to sleep in (even if sometimes it does distract me from exercising early in the morning!).

Glad my kids are healthy and spunky (even if I get tired sometimes).

Glad for soar muscles (because it means I'm getting stronger).

Glad for the internet and the many friends I have on it.

Glad that I'm not alone.

Glad Missy has long hair that is fun to do...

Glad she lets me to it!

Glad I'm ME!

On No, Someone Told on Me...

  So recently I've been having a bit of a faith crisis, or whatever you want to call it. I've recently change my status on Facebook to "Cultural Mormon" because I have decided (at least temporarily) that I no longer believe a lot of what the LDS Church believes. I will continue to go at least every other Sunday to the LDS ward because Jer adheres to it and I respect that choice. Plus, I don't think it's a bad thing for my children to at least understand the culture. The other Sundays I will be attending whatever church I choose fits me... I haven't really found one yet, but who knows. Could happen, then again, maybe not.

  Now, just to be clear, I don't have any problem with other people believing as they will, I won't try to break down anyone's faith intentionally. I will not take offense to people talking about church in front of me etc etc etc... I think that would be, at very least, overly sensitive.

  Who knows, maybe some day I will decide to come back to the LDS faith, then again, maybe not... we will just have to wait and see really. Life goes on, things change, people change.

  Anyways, today the missionaries showed up on our doorstep :) They really are great kids, but we had friends over that were getting ready to leave and it was a inconvenient time for them to come and want to share a message. So they made an appointment to come again on Thursday. Did I mention that they are good kids? :)

  Anyhow, I found it somewhat amusing that they showed up within a couple of days of me changing my status on Facebook... where I have a few friends who are orthodox LDS to say the least. I know if someone DID tell on me that they had the best of intentions, so no hard feels... I still find it amusing though.

People I Haven't Seen (or Heard from Personally) in Years.

Okay, so I have a dilemma...

When I was in college I had quite a few sets of roommates, not because I didn't get a long with people, but because I felt it was a good opportunity for change and a good way to meet new people. During the two and a half years I was there I had four sets of roommates, which I was totally okay with.

There was one set of roommates that I would term my "best" roommates, in that I got along fairly well with all of them. They were pretty neat girls. Though, I will admit, that I was always one to be over sensitive about being left out of things... so instead of being left out, often times I would take off for the weekend to do laundry at my parents house (kind of a preemptive "I won't be around to be left out" kind of thing... looking back I maybe should have acted differently, I don't know honestly)

Well, this set of roommates tries to get together about every four years or so. It's kinda neat. Last time we spent a weekend near park city, just the six of us girls... well, except the baby one of the girls brought along. It was a nice get away (though -- I admit -- I felt fat the whole time, that's what happens when you go four years without seeing people and you are one of two people that have gained weight, and the heaviest one by far. This was nobody's fault but my own though! Yup, blaming self there). Everyone was pretty agreeable, and I never felt outcast in any way.

Alas it's been four years again and I recently received an email mentioning another "roomie reunion". My dilemma is this: I seldom hear from these ladies except when one of these "reunions" comes up... I don't know if I should take that as an indication that they really aren't too interested in me or just that they have their own lives to lead and it doesn't occur to them (see, still haven't gotten rid of that overly sensitive to being left out thing... have a feeling I will be struggling with that for the rest of my life...). That by itself isn't a big problem but it also seems that there is a desire to have it only be the "girls" again and most of the ladies have never met my husband and most certainly do not know my children. Besides, we excluded the guys and kids last time and there was mention of sometime doing something with all of them (or at least a lunch or something with all of them) so we could meet each others families. Together these two things (no contact and no family) start to be a problem for me.

I don't want to give the impression that I'm a total spoil sport, that I'm a big party-pooper, but really... it does appear that these people don't really want to know or understand me (or each other, unless they have been in constant contact over the last four years and have all met each others husbands and families...). Yes, I'm much more than just a mother and a wife, I hate it when people assume that there is not more to me... but my husband is my best friend on the entire planet (I honestly don't know how I could handle life without him), and I would give my life for any one of my kids to have the opportunity to become all that they want to be in this life, get that -- give my life for their opportunity. I'm not saying that this isn't also the case with many of these girls... I just don't really know how I can really know them, or they me, without us at least meeting (or having the opportunity to meet) the most important parts of our lives.

Maybe they just need a weekend off from being mom and wife. I understand that. Hell, at the end of May Jer and I are taking off for a week sans kids because I almost went insane this winter because of the overwhelming feeling of loosing my identity. There has to be time to be "ME" in any persons life, but does it have to be an occasion that happens only once every four years? Last time I honestly considered not going because I wouldn't have my greatest emotional support in the world there with me (yup, that's Jer -- just knowing he is around helps me to be, well, more ME! Especially the current me). I think I'd be okay without the kids... then again, atm I'm a little OD ed on them... I would LOVE to meet the other girls husbands and families though!!!

This time, I don't know if I will go or not, I honestly don't know if it will make much of a difference to them or not if I am actually there. I mean, sure, anyone would say "Ohhhh, I'm so sad you aren't coming!" or "We really missed you!" but sometimes it's really hard to tell if that is just being kind aka not rude, or if it's honestly the truth. Besides... I have no idea if I will even be able to hold a conversation with these girls... I have, after all, gone a bit "apostate" and would most likely no longer agree with any of them politically, I still hate scrap booking, and I have this newly discovered feminist streak in me... then there is the old "I'm going to get left out" ailment...

PS I know a couple of them have been to my blog before (I don't know if they check it anymore) but just in case, my intention is not to offend or accuse anyone of anything or to hurt anyones feelings, just to try to hash it out to see more clearly where I stand on the whole thing. Okay, butt sufficiently covered.