For your enjoyment:

Feminism...

 ...most often doesn't mean misandry. If you don't know what misandry means... it's the opposite of misogyny. Misandry is the hatred of men and boys.

Feminism is not that at it's core, though many self professed "feminists" are. I think that is because these "man haters" don't know of a better word for what the feel. That word is misandryist, not feminist.

Feminism is "the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men." not the doctrine advocating that women are better than men.

Equal.

Or as Jer would say "so really, your an equal-ist." .... well, yes I am.

How is that bad?

I am a Mormon Feminist....

Oh, contradiction that it seems to be...

I feel that women truly are equals to men, but that the world (and sometimes the Church) perpetuates attitudes that are not in keeping with the fact that women truly are just as capable as men, maybe differently capable but not unequally so.

I hate to use the word "differently" there. Not because it's not true, but because so often it is used to replace more belittling language.

Anyhow, I came across a truly beautiful idea today while reading one of my favorite blogs. This was in a comment that was responding to a post about how to make sure that our children know they have a Mother in Heaven (among other things) when so often She is not mentioned.

A poster with the tag JC stated this:

"...The other night my son, age 11.5, asked me why girls don’t have the priesthood. I asked him why he thought they didn’t, he said he didn’t know - but it wasn’t fair that boys HAD to go on missions and girls get to choose. I told him that girls do have priesthood that they use in the temples and that parents share the priesthood. We talked about how both parents are expected to be good parents, but moms (mostly) seem to spend more time with small children than Dads. This led nicely into a talk about Heavenly Mother. DS has some interesting thoughts about her. He suggested that maybe she is a stay at heaven parent. Maybe earth stuff is Heavenly Father’s “job,” and She is in charge of preparing people to come here and takes care of them when they get back to heaven. He thinks that is a very important job and that HM is in charge of that because people are going to be sad to leave their families here on earth and will need some really big cuddles when they get to heaven. He also thinks that Her favorite colors might be reds and pinks because HF created a LOT of flowers those colors to show his love for her. Maybe She is in charge of the beautiful things on earth that make us happy, like sunsets, snow, cool animals, and that leaves HF some time to deal with other stuff. (As a side note, I help DH with a lot of the paperwork for his job, so doing a job together isn’t a big deal to him.) These are just his thoughts and I think that they are good ones. He doesn’t feel that She loves us any less, maybe more, because we spend lots more time in heaven than on earth..."

What a beautiful idea! To think that it came from an 11 year old astounds me. I like it oh, so much better than the "we don't talk about her to protect her." idea that is so often repeated (almost to the extend of being offensive. Why would a mother need to be protected from her own children?) But this? This idea rings more true for me and brings me more peace of mind.

From the mouths of babes ... and all that jazz.

Excuse Me, Wait A Minute....

So last night Jer and I were playing W.O.W., as we often do in the evenings, when the doorbell rang. I didn't hear it (note to self, get a doorbell thing for downstairs!) but Jer did.

I opened the door to a man that I recognized from the ward. I didn't remember his name (and honestly still don't!) but he had a plate of cookies and no coat. So I invited him in... cause DANG it is cold outside now!

He came in and talking to Jer and I for a while and in the end asked if Jer would be a home teacher... to which Jer happily accepted. After talking for a while longer the man asked if we could say a prayer. Both Jer and I consented.

Then something was said that I have to admit, in the past I would not have given a second thought about. However that was not the case last night. Our visitor then stated "Jer, since you're the boss of the house, why don't you go ahead."

Boss.... hmmm

Then Jer started to say the prayer and I could barely pay attention to it, musing over if I should or should not speak up about the term "boss" and if so, how could I do it in a tactful way.

Jer and I work as a team. Neither one, nor the other, is any better or any more in charge than the other. I could have easily written off the statement if he had used "Priesthood leader, or Man of the house" because even though I see small injustices with those terms too, I understand that as part of the LDS culture and church that the Priesthood is recognized as only being held by the husband in the relationship of marriage.

As far as the term "Boss" goes though... I actually see myself as filling those shoes the most. I am, I will admit, the bossiest person in our house. I'm constantly telling the kids what to do (or not do) and notifying Jer of appointments or responsibilities or chores that the him and I need to be doing.

Granted, Jer brings in the funds to keep our family running, he helps with putting kids to bed and changing diapers when he is home, he often times cooks, etc etc etc... he does a ton of stuff! So considering all of this, I still don't think that our house has a "boss".

A Partnership, yes... but no soul proprietorship here. Thanks anyways, I like to be acknowledged for what I'm worth and how much I contribute to our house.

You might ask if I ever spoke up.... well, no. I didn't.

I ended up staying in my conundrum until well after our guest left our home. I didn't say anything about it. In fact I'm still in it. I didn't even mention to Jer how much that rubbed me wrong, I don't know if he noticed it or not...

It's a little thing I guess... or is it?

Yes, Sometimes Women Choosing to be SAHM Confuses Me.

And that is kinda weird coming from a women that is currently a SAHM (stay a home mom).

Here is what confuses me....

There is a lady I know whose husband recently lost his teaching job. Which is very hard I'm sure. This couple has one child who is still an infant but no longer nursing. The mom is having a very hard time with going back to work even though her family needs it, and while her husband had to work full time to support the family she can manage it on a part time basis.

Now, here is the core of my confusion. If she is able to make so much more with her education than her husband can with his, why doesn't she become the primary breadwinner, period? Or if she is really set on being home, why not until he gains more education (which wouldn't take long in this situation) to be able to provide better for their family? Her husband will be home with their child so no worries about daycare and having someone raise their child different that they would like. I'm confused, as I said.

In the past when I was a working mom, I had a hard time leaving my children with their grandmother every day. I understand that, cause grandma/grandpa/aunt/uncle are not as likely to be able to predict what you would want done with your children in any given instance. But a husband should have a much better understanding of this.

Personally, if my situation was such that I could make substantially more than Jer going to work, I WOULD. I fully trust him with my children and think he is a great father. I would not have had children with him if I did not trust him. I think he would be a GREAT SAHD (stay a home dad)! And while I have always wanted to be a SAHM since I was small, I never assumed that I would be able to. I have always seemed life does twists and turns we don't expect. I almost think she may be cutting herself and her little family short because she is so resistant to not having a "traditional" household.

Help me out here, I'm trying to empathize, but it's hard when you don't understand.