Considering Dance and When do you speak up?

Today Missy woke up at 4:45 am with news that she had puked on her bed. Poor girl. I gave her a bath to clean her up and wash yuck out of her hair while Jer (saint of a man) cleaned up her bed and got new bedding on her bed. She was surprisingly happy considering and I was able to put her back in bed without much fuss.

At 7:45 she was back in my room saying she was cold... I had her lay down with me and after a sec realized that she was swallowing a lot. We raced to the bathroom and she lost it again. Poor thing. I noticed her hair was wet and thought it was because of the earlier bath, but upon checking her bed found that wasn't the case. Into the bath again and another sheet change. Again she was remarkably upbeat.

By 9am she hadn't gotten sick again and seemed to be doing well, so I took off to a dance festival in a nearby town to watch a friend's daughter preform their dance routines. I had said I was interested and would try... so off I went.

To sum that up, it was really really cool, I think I will probably be taking Missy (and maybe the boys of they are interested) to watch a performance this Thursday. If they are interested I may go ahead and sign them up.

Goober already thinks he has mad dancing skillz... but he really doesn't. If he wants them though I'm happy to give it a try, maybe he just needs some tips from someone who CAN dance. lol

In other news: I think I may have started a fire storm on a friends blog. I hope not though.

She has a wonderful little boy who happens to really enjoy girl things. Including pretending to have long hair and put bows etc in it. He is so cute! :)

Anyhow, comments keep popping up (not just one time but many) on her blog that conclude decisively that he "will grow out of it"... and I admit, he might. That would certainly make life easier for him (and all those who love him) in the long run, and probably the short run in many ways as well.

My concern is this... what if he doesn't? Are these people inadvertently saying that they won't accept him if he doesn't? are they saying that they will blame his parents if he doesn't or that they will think something is "wrong" if he doesn't?

I certainly don't think they are intending to be insensitive or hurtful, but I think to many people these comments may come across that way.

So I tried to gently say that things may not end up exactly how others want it to, and that is alright. That little boy will be loved and admired and have loads of potential in spite of (or maybe because of) the things that he finds enjoyable and that he is drawn to in this life.

I know my friend will take my comment the way I intended it, and I made sure that she knows that she can delete it if she wants to and I won't be offended or have my feelings hurt.

So what do you do when you think others may be unintentionally causing harm? Do you say something or do you stay silent... and if you say something, well, at what point do you say it?

I Don't

When I tell you how I feel,
When I say what I think,
or how I see things...
I'm not forcing my opinion.

I don't need you to agree with me.
It would be nice, but honestly...
are the best conversations when everyone agrees?
Nosomuch.

Really, all I want is for you to
understand,
for you to put yourself in my shoes.
That's it, nothing more.

Prop 8

No one cares what I think so I won't go into it. LOL Everyone else has already hashed it out pretty well. I DO think that this provides a good counterpoint though... I thought that the argument was well thought out.

Why do I stay?

---WARNING: VERY LONG POST---

I know when I was young my family didn't go to church.

I remember when we lived in Utah there were times my parents would throw parties with their friends at our house and we were supposed to stay in our rooms... preferably asleep. I had the feeling there was alcohol around. It wasn't a big deal. It's just what was.

When I was 8 I remember my parents asking if I wanted to be baptized. I said yes. I don't remember why. I do know that I was adamant about my dad being the one to do it. I remember being insistent, even when he tried to persuade me to let the bishop do it. I waited six months for my dad to be able to do it, and he did. Then life went on.

I always wondered why my friends couldn't play on Sunday. I remember my mom telling me that it was my choice if I wanted to play on Sunday or not.

I loved waking up to the smell of coffee. It smelled so good.

I remember going boating on the weekends. I can't remember what part of the weekend it was, it didn't matter. I was with family, and we were having fun and being the way a family should be.

I could always tell when one of the leaders at church told the other kids to "bring a friend" to church with them. That was the only time religion was ever brought up to me by the other kids. There were some kids that would only invite me to do anything during one of those times. I hated feeling like a service project.

When I was 13 I got tired of feeling like everyone else knew the bible stories when I didn't. I had a vague idea about Noah and the Ark, and Jonah and the Whale... but no knowledge about the specifics of those stories. I decided it was time that I knew them. So I started to read the bible. I never did get all the way through it. I think I got through Exodus and gave up. I've never gotten all the way through the bible.

I took a trip to visit an aunt for a couple of weeks. It was fun, it was nice to go to church and have no one really know that I was "inactive"... to just be seen as one of the girls. To be included. I remember the lesson was on the tools of the devil. I found it intriguing.

When I came home my parents had gotten and new car (a purple one!). They had also started to go back to church. They invited me to come along. I did.

When they got sealed in the temple I went with them.

I got my patriarchal blessing.

When my sister married her husband in the temple I got special permission to be there so that when my parents were sealed to her, I could be too.

I went to seminary.

I remember being frustrated when my two closest girlfriends were invited to be on the seminary council but I wasn't. I remember not understanding. How could people that played with others emotions so much be selected, but someone like me, who tried (but often failed) to do right by others was overlooked?

I graduated from seminary.

I went to Rick's college. It was close to home. I didn't want to be all that far from my parents, they were my very best friends throughout high school and sustained me when I was desperately hurting. I didn't want to risk being so far from home that I couldn't access such a safe place easily. It was a good thing. I needed them often. My mom stopped going to church. I didn't think all that much about it. I knew I was tired of the rules at Ricks and the fact that I had no guys interested in me. Ricks had more rules than my parents did for me when I was living at home. What was the point of having more rules if all the guys were interested in the girls that played with their emotions.

I got my associates degree. I decided to "take a break" from school. My mom probably knew I wouldn't go back any time soon. At the time I was considering going on a mission, I think because I really didn't know what else to do with myself. I wasn't married, I didn't have a boyfriend or anyone even interested that I could tell. As far as what the Church was telling me ... that left a mission.

I filled out my papers. I told my whole family I was going.

But I didn't. Instead, I met Jer and got married. (Luckily he was the right guy, I have never regretted marrying him!)

I too got married in the temple. About a year later I was pregnant with our first child.

It's interesting. Looking back at my life, I can't tell my reasons for becoming active in church, besides an attitude of "I might as well". I thought in high school I had a testimony. I don't think I did. I think I sometimes became emotional about church related things, but much of that might have been the fact that I was a teenager and full of hormones. I went to a Church college, I told myself it wasn't to find a husband, but I picked a "fluff" major that wouldn't get me far in the world. I didn't really know what I was truly interested in. The Church doesn't emphasize that for girls. I had lots of things I liked to do, but hadn't ever really thought I would have to support myself. It turns out I never really did have to support myself. I regret not getting a better education while I had the opportunity. This isn't the Churches fault, but they didn't help much here either.

I was content doing what the Church told me to for a while. I was irritated by small things, or what I thought were small things. I was frustrated that many of the women that surrounded me seemed like sheeple, seeming only doing things because that is what they were told to, while many of the guys seemed uncomfortable being my friend because of possible assumptions other people would make. I realized after a while I was frustrated with myself for being a sheeple. I started trying to be and do more that was ME. This is where I'm at.

In the end I don't know if I ever really made a conscious effort to "become active" in church. I was already baptized so there was no defining moment. I don't know if I did it because it was easy, because it was popular, or because it was right. Or all of the above. I don't know. I don't remember much of my thoughts at the time.

So now I'm left with these questions. Why am I here? Why do I stay? Do I stay because I was raised in the Church or do I stay because it would cause some problems with family (namely my in-laws, most of my family is inactive again.) or do I stay because of something else? Why do I stay when I perceive such inequality between the ways girls and boys are treated within the Church, why to I strive to go to Church and get frustrated with things like hearing that Adam was coerced into eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge (that wasn't by a teacher BTW, a class member. I addressed that assumption quickly). Why do I go when I worry it will teach Missy that she is only good to be a follower and a supporter. I want her to be the leader that I know her personality leans towards. I worry that the Church will harm my kids more than it will help them on so many levels. I worry that it will teach my boys that girls aren't as good as boys. What other assumption is a young boy to come to... "why can't girls pass the sacrament?" there is no answer... they are left to make one up for themselves. The most easily accessible is that of girls not being good enough. This breaks my heart.

There are some beautiful things that the Church teaches too. That there is a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother. That we can become like them. That Jesus suffered so that we could live. That the Godhead is three separate units in one. That we can all go back to live with them again.

Is it enough? Is it enough for this life? Is it only this life that the things I have issues with will be in? How can I make it through this life being a "faithful" member of a church that inadvertently teaches such inequality between the sexes? They say the two are equal, yet their actions seem to say differently. Isn't it "by their fruits ye shall know them"? I keep telling myself that my church is actually pretty advanced in this area as far as Christian churches go... it does, after all acknowledge the existence of a Heavenly Mother... which most don't. I go to Church hoping I'm not scarring my children, yet when I stay home I worry about the same thing.

In the end. I just don't know.

I am a Mormon Feminist....

Oh, contradiction that it seems to be...

I feel that women truly are equals to men, but that the world (and sometimes the Church) perpetuates attitudes that are not in keeping with the fact that women truly are just as capable as men, maybe differently capable but not unequally so.

I hate to use the word "differently" there. Not because it's not true, but because so often it is used to replace more belittling language.

Anyhow, I came across a truly beautiful idea today while reading one of my favorite blogs. This was in a comment that was responding to a post about how to make sure that our children know they have a Mother in Heaven (among other things) when so often She is not mentioned.

A poster with the tag JC stated this:

"...The other night my son, age 11.5, asked me why girls don’t have the priesthood. I asked him why he thought they didn’t, he said he didn’t know - but it wasn’t fair that boys HAD to go on missions and girls get to choose. I told him that girls do have priesthood that they use in the temples and that parents share the priesthood. We talked about how both parents are expected to be good parents, but moms (mostly) seem to spend more time with small children than Dads. This led nicely into a talk about Heavenly Mother. DS has some interesting thoughts about her. He suggested that maybe she is a stay at heaven parent. Maybe earth stuff is Heavenly Father’s “job,” and She is in charge of preparing people to come here and takes care of them when they get back to heaven. He thinks that is a very important job and that HM is in charge of that because people are going to be sad to leave their families here on earth and will need some really big cuddles when they get to heaven. He also thinks that Her favorite colors might be reds and pinks because HF created a LOT of flowers those colors to show his love for her. Maybe She is in charge of the beautiful things on earth that make us happy, like sunsets, snow, cool animals, and that leaves HF some time to deal with other stuff. (As a side note, I help DH with a lot of the paperwork for his job, so doing a job together isn’t a big deal to him.) These are just his thoughts and I think that they are good ones. He doesn’t feel that She loves us any less, maybe more, because we spend lots more time in heaven than on earth..."

What a beautiful idea! To think that it came from an 11 year old astounds me. I like it oh, so much better than the "we don't talk about her to protect her." idea that is so often repeated (almost to the extend of being offensive. Why would a mother need to be protected from her own children?) But this? This idea rings more true for me and brings me more peace of mind.

From the mouths of babes ... and all that jazz.